Men: You don't have to apologize for being male. Happy #InternationalMensDay. (x-post TumblrInAction)
Posted Nov 21, 2016, 12:01 PM UTC
5.8K121
Privilege is never having to apologize for your existence.
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Nobody should have to apologize for their existence. Full Stop.
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Your sentence has caused national outrage in Canada. They are sorry, however, due to the ruckus caused.
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Idk man. Dave is kind of a cunt. He should probably apologize for existing.
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I think mass murderers should. Maybe people like Hitler, or Mussolini, or Jesus. I think they could all apologize for their existence and the suffering that has come from it.
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Pretty sure those people have other things to apologize for, not their existance.
Further, laying the blame of all of history at the feet of the most influential people of their time is dismissive of the role everyone else played. Worse, it excuses the behavior of people that think they have no influence in the world.
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Their existence was a problem? I believe it was their actions. Something many people seem to be forgetting or failing to learn these days, is that nobody is inherently evil, or wrong, or problematic. It's actions that can be evil. Actions make you who you are. Hitler wasn't born a bad person, ffs.
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Fuck yeah it is. And never having to recognize said privilege.
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You guys are such terrified little snowflakes. The people you feel so oppressed by are rightfully ignored by 99.9% of the population.
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Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/TumblrInAction/comments/5dyucu/men_you_dont_have_to_apologize_for_being_male/
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Ayy, that's my post!
Thanks for bringing attention to this.
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Thanks for posting it, i love sanity sundays.
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Yeah, best part of that sub, really. Nice to see people making sense for a change. :p
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r/TumblrAtRest is right up your alley then.
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Thanks for posting it. It was the first sanity I read that made me feel sane.
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I have never been ashamed of being male, no matter how many women in my life have tried to shame me. It is what I am, why should it bother me?
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Question, as it is a subject of particular interest for me right now:
Are you and your father close vs absent or otherwise emotionally unavailable? Was your mother supportive of you, being neither overbearing nor needy? Who in your life was most influential in helping you to define masculinity? How much was alcohol or violence an element of your childhood?
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Do you realize how ridiculous you sound even asking these questions? Oh, this guy refuses to be shamed for something he can't change, let's try and psychoanalyze his entire upbringing to find out why!
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My apologies for the lack of context. Currently in the middle of No More Mr. Nice Guy and after defining what a nice guy is, in a positive way, it goes on to talk about the toxic side and the self image of Nice Guys.
In particular, the author talks about toxic shame / self hating male image as a consequence of exactly the things I asked about, not more or less.
I know his response is anecdotal, but wanted that outside perspective.
I am very happy as an adult (now), but the book has been very heavy as I can identify with the abuse described and the accompanying self image he associates with it. I am starting to see that my father may have had a similar upbringing; I've only recently taken note that he has never said anything about his dad that passed away when I was young, and talking to family learned his dad was (also) never available emotionally.
I am a few days away from being a father, and of a son at that. With all the logistics of work, finances, diapers and such in order the question of where men get their image of what if means to be a man has been very heavy on my mind. I consider it a luxury this is what I have to worry about, but I take it no less serious.
So yeah, you nailed it; I am very curious about his upbringing because that outcome is very foreign to me. I don't mind if it sounds ridiculous, but my intent was not to be novel, morbid, or otherwise rude. My bruskness was simply trying to get right to the point.
I appreciate your perspective on my approach, I should have shaped it a little better.
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I dunno. I think if people aren't told those things have an effect on their masculinity, it won't be much of a thing. Maybe the guy happens upon a flawless upbringing and you'd have your answer; I mean, there wouldn't be much reason to even ask if the correlation is known to go that way. Besides, you can't 100% ensure a life free of societal influence for ya boy. Not that you shouldn't still be able to ask, I guess. Maybe it was just a weird way of putting it
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My apologies for the lack of context. Currently in the middle of No More Mr. Nice Guy and ...
Apologising is for Nice Guys; stop it at once.
;)
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What does that have to do with anything?
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Are you and your father close vs absent or otherwise emotionally unavailable? Was your mother supportive of you, being neither overbearing nor needy? Who in your life was most influential in helping you to define masculinity? How much was alcohol or violence an element of your childhood?
Me and my dad are neither close or distant. My dad is very chill most of the time, but he can be opinionated when a particular subject he is passionate about comes up.
My mother was always very strict. Think typical Roman Catholic and European. She is very feminist too.
As for my masculinity.. my dad played and important role in helping me understand the importance of a thick skin and how to build up a thick skin.. but a lot of who I am as a man comes from my own idea of what it means to be a man.
Alcohol was never a factor. My parents would punish me physically when I was younger. (One would hold me down, the other would "spank" me. I would always fight back.) The physical punishments continued until I fought back and ended up breaking my dad's arm. Then they stopped.
Aside from that.. and having to deal with constant barbs and other shit like that from my mother's feminist friends, which I enjoyed telling off, I would say I had a pretty average childhood.
Thank you for asking.
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Thank you for sharing.
As for my masculinity.. my dad played and important role in helping me understand the importance of a thick skin and how to build up a thick skin..
Mind sharing an example?
My parents would punish me physically when I was younger. (One would hold me down, the other would "spank" me. I would always fight back.) The physical punishments continued until I fought back and ended up breaking my dad's arm. Then they stopped.
My mom got into a physically abusive relationship after my parents split, and thought it might be a good time to start using physical discipline with my sister. By this time my sister was pretty tough and had a strong self-esteem. My mom lost that first fight just bad enough to never try again.
That sounds really horrible for you to go through but sounds like you came out tough. What would you think if you heard someone else took the same approach with their kids today?
Were you blamed for the arm break, or was it more of a, "should have seen that coming"?
Aside from that.. and having to deal with constant barbs and other shit like that from my mother's feminist friends, which I enjoyed telling off, I would say I had a pretty average childhood.
That's hilarious. Glad to hear they didn't beat you down.
Thank you for asking.
Didn't mean to come across so psycho-therapy, but as I mentioned in the many angry replies to my question by people other than you, soon to be father and with many more practical things already well taken care of have a strong interest in how I can be a good male role model for my son. Sadly this may not be the right sub for this subject, but I greatly appreciate you sharing your story.
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Thank you for sharing.
As for my masculinity.. my dad played and important role in helping me understand the importance of a thick skin and how to build up a thick skin..
Mind sharing an example?
I was bullied as a kid. A lot. He taught me to fight with words, not with fists. He was right.
My mom got into a physically abusive relationship after my parents split, and thought it might be a good time to start using physical discipline with my sister. By this time my sister was pretty tough and had a strong self-esteem. My mom lost that first fight just bad enough to never try again.
Sorry to hear that. I can imagine how hard that must have been for you and your family. It may not happen with everyone, but at least in my family.. we get along great now and have for many years and we are a well functioning family. As I matured, I began to really understand the sacrifices my parents made for me... and because of me. That brought respect with it, so there's always hope.
That sounds really horrible for you to go through but sounds like you came out tough. What would you think if you heard someone else took the same approach with their kids today?
Personally, I wouldn't like it, but it's not my place to tell someone how to raise their kids. I wouldn't get involved unless something criminal happened.
Were you blamed for the arm break, or was it more of a, "should have seen that coming"?
My parents were upset, but I think that they understood the eventual result of me getting bigger, stronger and angrier meant I would eventually end up hurting them. Life goes on.
Aside from that.. and having to deal with constant barbs and other shit like that from my mother's feminist friends, which I enjoyed telling off, I would say I had a pretty average childhood.
That's hilarious. Glad to hear they didn't beat you down.
I have never been one to give up. I'm far too stubborn.
Thank you for asking.
Didn't mean to come across so psycho-therapy, but as I mentioned in the many angry replies to my question by people other than you, soon to be father and with many more practical things already well taken care of have a strong interest in how I can be a good male role model for my son. Sadly this may not be the right sub for this subject, but I greatly appreciate you sharing your story.
You're welcome. Please don't be dissuaded from posting here by those negative replies. This place can require a thick skin sometimes. For the most part, people here are well-intentioned and informative. Just requires a bit of patience. Good luck.
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Liberally downvoted for asking some questions?
Weird.
But then, this is reddit, so...
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You sound like a lawyer.
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Was that it?
In the middle of reading "No More Mr. Nice Guy" and given positive view of himself I was curious if certain things were absent from the Nice Guy childhood stereotype.
I know it is just one data point, but still grateful for the reply I got. Thanks for explaining the hate.
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No, it's really the context of the sub. This sub is frequently brigaded by other subs that will come in and use common questions from radicalized feminist viewpoints to try and usurp the comments sections here. I imagine many readers read your questions and were reminded of those sorts of people. I, for one, didn't find those questions too out of hand.
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You need a therapist.
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You're projecting.
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You could probably also use a therapist.
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I am male and I am proud.
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I love myself, my fellow men, and all the women in my life. Thank you everyone for this crazy adventure called life.
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I am proud to be black said the African American.
I am proud to be Asian said the Chinese American.
I am proud to be white said the racist.
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Weiners out!
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I've literally never been asked to apologize for anything because I'm male. Can we stop this childish victimhood thing we've got going on? I don't need to feel like some kind of an oppressed victim. Yes, there's some things in society that are unfair to men like child custody in divorces, but this thread, seriously? We're going to pretend to band together in defiance of all the imaginary people in our lives are forcing us to apologize for being men? Weak stuff.
And I'm sure someone below is going to dig up a tumblr post or something of some troll telling all men to apologize, but that's an internet troll. I literally can't even imagine someone saying that in real life.
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You literally can't even?
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Did your feelings get hurt?
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The only one I have doesn't like me, so I'm not sure
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I've literally never been asked to apologize for anything because I'm male.
That's nice for you but...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSQzTKcUda0
Ever see a video of a female politician apologising for being a woman?
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Good analysis. Thanks.
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It never occurred to me to apologize for being male.
My reaction to this tweet is more like "why is this person being so condescending to men?"
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They're doing the opposite. It's targeting misandry.
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I'm sure the original tweeter meant well, but it's so wrapped up in condescension and patronizing that it doesn't seem like he/she has any more respect for men than the average MilFem.
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Am I the only dude who's never been asked to apologize for being male?
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Nobody directly asks you to apologize, but media is rife with things about how men suck. We're pedophiles, sexual harassers, insensitive because we don't see things the way women see them, we're perverts for liking naked women and wanting to have sex with them, we work too much and don't give our wives enough attention, we manspread, we mansplain, we oppress women with air-conditioning, we don't try hard enough to please her in bed, and our manhood is attacked if we do try and fail, we try too hard to please her in bed, so we're sexist too, we're dolts who can't load a dishwaser or change a diaper, we never do enough chores around the house....
Are you starting to get the picture?
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Sure I've heard that kinda stuff in my life, but I never felt like society itself or most women in it felt that way.
I mean when someone talks about "manspreading" I just shrug it off because its just some drama queen or attention-seeker, I don't feel a need to fight for male rights
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I still cant decide if the misandry in this world will continue or if men will start fighting for their rights and dignity and put a stop to it. Only men can stop it, even though a few women stand up loudly for men, most women just quietly support "their" man and ignore the plight of MEN. No matter how much hatred feminists spew, it is mostly men in positions of power that enact the policies of misandry.
It is up to men to stop the misandry, its really that simple, yet oh so distant.
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For boys that grow up with masculine father figures that demonstrate integrity, loyalty, work ethic, and honesty while being emotionally and physically available as role models, boys should be immune to that distant faceless crap.
If by contrast a boy's male role models are always working, emktionally and physically unavailable, don't set boundaries, and fail to make their needs a priority then boy's are at very high risk for developing a toxic shame in place of a personal identity.
The misandry will be met with confirmation bias instead of criticism. A needy mother, or even toxically needy people will drive boys to be caretakers, which in and of itself is not bad except that they will be angry, resentful, passive aggressive, and manipulative in seeking to have their own needs met, and repeatedly failing.
The racist, bigoted, sexist hate spread by certain feminists absolutely doesn't help the situation, but not convinced it is the source of the problem.
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I will never apologize for being born awesome!!
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I've to apologize for being a white male with a penis.
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and having the drive to use it
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Sorry this post isn't for you.
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I fear for my sons future with people making so much money from peddling the story that he is 'born a rapist' and he is knowingly part of a 'white male patriarchy' holding the women he loves down for his own gain. It's terrible what they are blaming on children with this broad stroke of false accusation.
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I would like to hear this same thing from r/two X Chromosomes, where any oppositional thing I say is quickly voted down to oblivion, sometimes without so much as an intelligent counter.
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Nice to see this got so many upvotes here, didn't expect that. I only got 2100 for this lol.
Still happy that it's up though
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is that passive-agressive sexism or is she just trying to be nice?
When its coming from tumblr you never know...
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This made me feel really good and that's kinda sad
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Fuck em, I totally love being a guy. Shits money
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It's kinda sad that this is something that stands out.
It is, but hopefully if it gets said enough times, it'll become redundant and unnecessary, because it will be taboo to even imply that men are inherently oppressive or sexist, or that they owe women anything.
I take it as a good sign that people are starting to explicitly say this, particularly on Tumblr, because it shows that they realize it needs saying in the current sociopolitical climate, and that they realize things shouldn't be that way.
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It is taboo today to say that women are inferior. Now you have to cloak that language in Bible rhetoric to even get it accepted in some circles, and even that gets called out in society at large. Attitudes have changed for women and they can change for men. You're right, it does take time, but little things like this are how it happens.
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Let's be realistic, here. Women are inherently inferior. Sorry, you just are. Now, in what way did my random internet neckbeard opinion negative affect any woman? In no way whatsoever? Alrighty, then. The women's rights movement got women all the rights they need, and more. They may want the right to never be considered inferior by anyone, but they will never get it. Men demonstrate their superiority every day, by running the world and keeping the world running. We still get called inferior to women in every way; we are apparently responsible for everything that's wrong with the world. Why are women so special that they can accomplish nothing of consequence, and still expect to be considered equal to men?
We are all people! There are always bad apples, but please remember most people in this world are reasonable and good! Take the time to understand where people are coming from. People are strong in many ways physical, mental, emotional and beyond :)
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I'm going to be honest, as a male a lot of people feel like there's no reason for me to have feelings and want to cry sometimes. It makes them uncomfortable. I feel like that sort of stigmatization is the reason something like this stands out: men are trapped in what they should feel without anybody thinking of how they really do feel.
I have feelings like girls and that doesn't make me a pussy; it makes me a human being.
But nobody will give a shit if you cry and suffer. that's the exact point. You will be expected to lift yourself up by your boostraps and learn how to turn that emotion into something positive to benefit others and gain emotional stability and strength in the process. Women think men have emotional issues because they can't express their feelings and it's incorrect. The real case is that being told your feelings matter only really works if the actions fit the words. The most incorrect thing you wrote is that you have feelings like a girl. Feelings are not inherent to girls, society just treats their feelings differently. You have feelings just like everyone else, they are just less valued than women's.
So why don't we understand this? I feel like there's a stigma that a leads people to not really understand the details of what equality means. We see the woman's plight, but nobody sees the man's plight.
You may want to look into the "Disposable male." It's evolutionary psychology, and may have the same roots as sexual dimorphism (the reason men and women have physical differences, including brain chemistry.)
Women and their ability to have children gives them extra protection in society while men are used as canon fodder during war. But there hadn't been a war in a long time and our population has swelled. Why do women still get protected and men ignored? I think Feminism and the counterculture movement have fucked things up.
you guys pick the content that gets posted to these subs lol