Your feedback does help! I feel like the reason I chose this one to put up is because I think it can be good and I'm not entirely sure where to go with it at the moment, so thank you for your input!

I have mixed feelings about this one.

For one thing, it uses very familiar language (near cliches) in its figurative/descriptive elements:

Exhibit A:

>Can't be engulfed lest I too drown (drowning in emotions is written a lot)

Exhibit B:

rhyming "bright" and "light"

I also felt that the imagery didn't have cohesion or synergy. There was an imbalance in temperatures (with the whole fire and water imagery) and I don't feel that the techniques dug at any particular emotion. 

This could be a great poem. It had wonderful flow. To improve it, I would nail down a particular emotion you're trying to get across and stick to it. It's too all over the place as it is now. Hope my feedback helped.

I like the style and can feel something when reading it, but parts of it didn't seem to roll off the tongue too well. That's about all I have right now though. Overall, I think it is good and I definitely like the rhymes. Nice job

Thanks! Just pulled this out of the notes on my phone from a couple months ago. It definitely needs a couple more work-throughs.

It's okay.  A little rough and unpolished.  But okay.  I feel like it could use some organization, and in this case some attention to rhythm would help that goal tremendously.  I would also caution you to avoid speaking in generalities and abstractions too often.  The first part of this is far more potent than the last, where it devolves into somewhat nebulous intangible rhetoricals.  

Thanks!! I'm glad you were able to see so much in it, as everyone has been saying it is rough around the edges for sure. It's still really encouraging to know that the meaning shone through despite that for you. 

I do agree with /u/brenden_norwood that the language is very simple and sometimes borders on cliche, and I noticed this while reading. However, it really didn't detract from how much I enjoyed - and related - to this poem. Despite its brevity, you told a story and I saw the person going from child to wherever they are now. I saw them age, I saw the difference, I saw the significance. And I think the best part of it is that while the childhood and the "now" are described well, I filled in the gaps of what brought you from A to B. I think this ability to project into it is what made it so relatable.

Some (probably most) poems do require vivid imagery and beautiful description to "take them to the next level," but I don't feel like that was necessary here. It did its job for me. Excellent work.

It's a little rough around the edges. Your grammar/word choices are a little off in some part imo, but its overall a decent poem.

When I was young and so naive  
I felt the world through carefully  
Each new feeling I picked up,  
Rough ones, smooth ones...  
And never enough.  
&amp;nbsp;  


As addicting as feelings can be  
I soon was too entombed to see  
That tolerance was necessary-  
and I had none of which to speak.  
&amp;nbsp;  


The fire I had originally  
Had become a danger unforeseen.  
But what was worse, to blaze too bright?  
Or to douse the flames and quench all light?  
&amp;nbsp;  


I can't enjoy emotion now-  
Can't be engulfed lest I too drown.  
I got too close to the edge and then-  
Was too afraid to go back again.  
&amp;nbsp;
&amp;nbsp;  


https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/5efauc/house_of_consequences/
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/5ehxw1/wrapped_in_heatfoil/

Too Much Too Soon