Thanks mate. I will come back after work.

You told me to remind ya, but definitely don't feel obligated to!

If this is what calling your poem safe will get us, I'm inclined to call all your poems safe from now on 😉. Seriously though I like this and plan to post a proper feedback in a day or two (hold me to this).

I got that, echoing. It just didn't add too much and is stopping momentum for me in an otherwise tasty scenario. 

Did you read my huge dumb piece today? I'm panhandling for feedback on it 

Edit: a cool way to echo in this could be taking a phrase from one section and repeating it elsewhere in the piece. 

I second for the repeat! (But you've written another piece that dealt with a similar subject; I think /u/ratherlargepie missed the one solely about your dad ... not to be rude or anything, but yeah, maybe a little. Why did I get offended because of that? I care too much about you Brendon! ahhhhh)

All great ideas, the alone bit was meant to play off the echos and the whole perpetual thing, but I'm glad you liked it

Don't let AniLana dictate your progress!!!!   

Also, this is pretty intense. Very different from your other writing which means something is lost and something else is gained. It's definitely something to explore. I want more variety between sections and also, no section headers to let me know what is being talked about. Give me titleless vignettes for a serial poem.  

I think you could get rid of the section headers and the "alone alone alone"s in number one and this would be stronger. Let the read assume the autobiography. Don't give it all to us. Leave us with as many questions as answers. 

Cool reading. 

Hey Brenden, I'm going to try to give you some feedback. I hope it's helpful in some way.

i. I like the repeated "alone". I was kind of wondering about the shadow orbiting, though. If it is moving in a circular manner, how can it also be moving like a pendulum? Maybe I just can't picture it.  
I think "toothy laughs" is a little overused. 
ii. I liked the "until all i see is a blizzard" line. beautiful  
iii. this was super depressing for me to read. I liked the tree mirrored in the pond simile.   
iv. I think you could extend this stanza. After someone passes away it's like time is moving in slow motion and you just stand and stare. I'm not sure about the last line...a little too much angst for me.  
v. the metronome mirrors the pendulum in stanza 1. cool.  
vi. I didn't really like this stanza that much, but maybe it's just me.  
vii. damn...again, nice simile. I really like the sheets of fog part. The repeated "alone" really hammers it home.  
Honestly, I came away wanting to know 

NP. Though I would caution against taking me too seriously ;P.

Thanks a bunch walpen, I'll try to write more concise, direct pieces

Okay this is going to be spotty because I have a grad application I need to finish tonight, but as a series of stray thoughts

***

I think the first section is the weakest here. I am not a big fan of the first stanza particularly as it combines the abstract sentiment of 'alone' with this mix of abstract and sensual physicality (perpetual pendulum vs creaking bark) that I can't quite make much of.

More generally I feel like its begging to be shortened as right now I feel like I'm getting several variants of 'he's alone' and desc of the environment and it could really be boiled down into one or two stanzas (mb to pick stray lines

> a shadow orbiting a tree;  
> a boy orbiting the echoes  
> of his shadowed voice

or summat.

***

Not to the extent of the first section, but I think ii could also do with some contraction; some stray points

> flurries of hate-filled syllables and  
temper tempests cutting into my ears

you don't need both desc (and personally "temper tempests" sounds to

Autobiography in Seven Images