Three Weeks Today

Three weeks today. It feels good but I am nervous as I have some many more obstacles to take on. My friends want to go out for dinner and drinks this weekend. I made it through a brunch with them sober. That was fine. I am sure I could make it through dinner with everyone sober as well. But when they all decide post dinner to go to a bar...I'm not ready to have the conversation with them about me being sober. I also don't want to lie to them about why I can't go to the bar. I just wish something would happen to excuse me from attending altogether. I love my friends very much and I want to tell them I am sober now...but I'm just not ready yet.

I want to get to a month very badly. It feels so effing good to be sober for 3 weeks...I can only imagine what a month feels like. I haven't been sober for longer than 5 days since I was 18 (I am 31 now) and it's been more like 1-3 days in the last few years.

Dude I am day dreaming about what it would be like to be a year sober....if 3 weeks is this good...a year has to be amazing! What I will be like. Where my life will be. For the first time in a long time I am excited about the future and where I am going. When you are in your early 30s (at least for me) I started feeling like my life was already ending. I know it doesn't make much sense, but with marriage on the horizon, kids coming soon after, buying a home, laying down roots, I started feeling really anxious that it was all planned out and done for me. That made me want to drink more.

I guess now that my head is clearing and my body chemistry is returning to normal I realize that is crazy. Just because those things are on the horizon doesn't mean life stops being an adventure.

Side note: Today I am also 68 days smoke free. That's cool too.

Sorry for the rambling, weird post. I just wanted to get these thoughts and emotions out of my head. Thanks for listening.

I won't drink with you today.