Nothing makes me more sad than the thought of having to be an adult and do adult things.

It gives me so much stress and anxiety. I haven't been happy for more than a couple hours at a time in years. I've never felt love for someone that wasn't in my family. Going through the motions. I'm in a new country with an excited job but I still feel the same. I'm alone with no friends. Every little task is daunting. I crave attention but I don't wanna be weak. I have no reason not to be thankful for what I have but for some reason I'm not happy. Every second I long for any sort of connection with another human being and this hope is destroying me. Sometimes I think the only reason for my existence is to play a role in other people's lives. My eyes are watering because I don't know what to do.