Twelve weeks out... [RANT]

I apologize in advance, there is going to be a lot of ranting and venting said here from a woman who is so frustrated and on the ropes and has no idea what to do now. I really want to preface this with reminding both myself and you all that I love my FH dearly, and he does love me, though he certainly seems to struggle when it comes to showing it. He's a good person who I think is depressed and because of that so selfish he's being cruel.

My FH has always struggled to be responsible it seems, when we lived together before dating things seemed fine, but later on I was filled in on how dire his financial situation had become and how difficult it was to make ends meet. I'm not perfect, I have debt as I'm sure many people do, and I'm sure I'm not working on it the best way possible, but I ALWAYS pay my bills.

At twelve weeks out my FH has spent next to nothing on this wedding, it has been all of my money going to pay for this. Due to a serious error in payroll last year my income was cut in half or more, making it even harder for us to make ends meet, as I make the lions share of the income.

I have had a new job for some months now, but cannot catch up now that the wedding is so close as there has been so much to fall by the side as I was the only one paying for things and I had no money for them.

FH had seemed to be improving on his own financial behaviors, and I was pleased because earlier in our relationship I would have to pester and pester for him to pay what needed paying and only then after fights would it get done. For months now things hadn't been that way, he was discussing his financial situation openly without prodding and while it was not exactly good, it was progress.

It has taken him two and a half years to pick groomsmen, and now at 12 weeks to go he still hasn't thought about what clothing he would like to wear, or have his groomsmen wear. It is so freaking rude to have waited this long for these things, these people have lives! They have to be sure to not be working, they need time to plan a bachelor party if they want to throw him one, they need to have time to find clothing, and still he was so inconsiderate of their own needs that he waited this long.

I'm sitting here with a to-do list taller than I am and it all falls on me, everything in our lives fall on my shoulders to get done it seems, because when he is left to his own devices he doesn't pay, or plan, or do anything.

He didn't pay a year old bill till this morning when threatened with collections. He hasn't finished paying for my custom made wedding ring and I bloody well know that even if he pays it all today it probably won't even be made by April. I have paid nearly every utility bill since July, and nearly every bill and deposit for the wedding has been mine to fork over as well.

I am so angry about this because I wanted to elope. FH had desperately wanted his family to witness, and because of that, and my own stubborn desire not to exclude my family, I agreed on what will be now a $15,000 ceremony, reception and honeymoon.

I feel like I have been conned a little. FH claims to want a partnership, someone to share equal portions of the burden, but for such a long time it has just been me, carrying the weight, cleaning, cooking, planning, paying, nagging and just all around burning out. People tease us and say once we get married we will instantly get down to having kids, but why on earth would I?! I have a child already!

He gets stuck when I tell him my frustrations. So burdened with my expression FH becomes nearly catatonic and unable to think or even speak beyond "I am such a failure" and a series of phrases similar to that. Very rarely do we make progress, and I am understanding, he hasn't been in a serious relationship pretty much ever, but still. I don't understand how you could love something so much and treat it this way. I've dated horribly abusive partners, I've been beaten and emotionally destroyed, once I figured it out I left, but I confess it has sometimes taken a while.

I have asked for help from his parents in understanding him, how to motivate him, and have been met with very little, they have no answers for me. We have tried seeing a counselor, but she was horrid, blamed me for everything and then in solo sessions told me I needed to leave him. Even if this was the case why would you tell him that he was totally right in our joint sessions?

I have hated nearly every step of this planning process, I have done it all nearly alone. He went to one tasting, and one expo. He hasn't even seen our venue! And it seems like he doesn't care. Why am I wasting time energy and money for something he seems to care so little for?

I mailed me invitations this week, and cried afterward, I really cannot wait for all of this to be over.