I can't find my sleeping pills

I guess that's a good thing. Lately I've been feeling worthless and hopeless. Five years and I'm still in the same place, but I just have this stupid baby and idiot who thinks I love him.

I never wanted kids, but yet I let the father's family convince me into having her. I'm a fucking moron. I hate myself for being pushed around.

I think about myself dying all the time, I can't help it. I just want my pills back. I want to die. I'm ready now.