I have to stop. Now.

Hello everyone.

I'm 25 years old and I'm certainly an alcoholic. That's how this stuff goes, right?

I've been drinking since I was probably 19, but this time I have to stop.

Last weekend I drank about 24 beers, and two boxes of crappy wine, and probably more that I don't remember. I don't remember anything, I slept through New Years Eve, had to lie to my girlfriend about breaking my phone to explain to her why I wasn't texting her. I almost never lie to anyone, especially not her.

I slipped and fell in the shower, broke the tub, and majorly messed up my arm.

And now I'm worried as hell that I'm dying. I been in a sort of dizzy state since then, but I've been sober since Monday. I feel like my eyes are turning yellow, and my urine orange. I am reading all these horrifying stories of cirrhosis and I don't know what to do with myself. I can't afford medical care for at least a couple weeks so now I just have to be in a constant state of anxiety for weeks.

I've realized that I can't go on like this any longer. I just threw out what was left of my booze and don't intend on touching it again. I'm only 26. I want to have a family, and I don't want to die before I'm 30.

I'm sorry for my rant, but I can't really admit my problem to anyone right now around me. Thank you so much for listening, I'm so proud to be nearly a week sober.