I'm an empathetic sadist and I hate it.

At first I thought it was just sexual sadism, like BDSM and stuff. But as I discovered myself more, I realized that pain (emotional and physical) didn't necessarily always turn me on. It's sort of like the appeal of watching horror I guess, but different. I want to see people suffer, because it gives me sort of an adrenaline rush. The idea of saying something horrible to someone to the point of making them break into tears is really nice to me I guess. On to the empathy part though: The weird thing is, as much as I like pain, I also love helping people in pain. If people are having a bad day, I'm usually the first of my friends to try and help them. If someone is insecure, it becomes my duty to make them proud to be who they are. The thing that fucks with me though, is when I'm helping people, the idea of just turning the tables and saying stuff like "Everyone is right, you're a total fucking loser" or "I wish you would just kill yourself you're so annoying" really really interests me. The weird thing is I DO NOT mean anything that I think of in these cases, and I love the people I help with all my heart, but sometimes the idea of seeing them suffer from something I did makes me happy? I don't know. It's sort of something I just discovered about myself. Any help would be nice.