my current long distance romance

I'm 21 years old and I've always been attracted to older men. Last October I was visiting family in NYC and this man messaged me on Scruff, 51 years old. He told me he was married to a man, but they were in a polyamorous marriage. He messaged me the day before I left so we never had a chance to meet. I went back home (Canada) and we kept texting, but obviously I didn't really chat back too much because he lived in another city. We kept talking, and he told me that he really wanted to get to know me. Very skeptical at first (what does this guy want from me? is he a murderer?), I decided to take a chance but warned him if I wanted out, he had to respect that. So we started video chatting everyday, talking about our daily lives, our families, everything really. And then one day he asked for my address to send me a package. Again, I was skeptical. I'd never met this guy before. But I took another chance. I was feeling like shit one night and told him, and he said that he wanted to make me happy by sending a package. It was a cute package (it arrived the next day). Incense, candles, a letter, a few other goodies; it was cute. I sent him back a letter and he sent me another package later on with these really fun mini figurines of people having sex. Very mini figurines! They're hilarious.

We talked about meeting up sometimes in New York (He lives in another state but works in NYC a couple times a year), but I was again, really nervous about it. It was a big commitment to make. The only day that worked for us was a month and a half from then, and so I was afraid what if I changed my mind after we booked it. I decided to go for it anyways.

About a month ago, I went to visit him in New York City. My flight was delayed for two hours and I just had so much time to think about how this was potentially the best or worst decision I would ever make.

He asked me if he could order Chinese for us so we could eat when I got there (I was so hungry). But the other part of me said, your family doesn't even know where you're going, he could poision the chinese food, maybe he'll back out, maybe he's a serial killer, or maybe he's just so different in real life! Too many last minute thoughts. Maybe this was also just my paranoid self (I'm sure you guys will let me know haha). And at the same time, I always felt so bad for being skeptical of him, but growing up I was always told to be cautious about people I met online (STRANGER DANGER!), so I think that was just a reflection of my parents teaching me to be cautious.

So I land in NYC. I'm feeling better about the whole situation, and call him to tell him I'm outside. I'm across the street, and there he is waving on the other side. It was so absolutely surreal. This man I'd been talking two for two months on the phone, and there he was right in front of me. We hugged. It felt so right to be there with him. We walked upstairs, ate chinese, talked, and immediately felt comfortable together. No awkwardness at all.

My past sexual and romantic relationships with men had been fairly bad previously. I always felt used and forgotten after each relationship. And it was so nice to finally be with someone who already cared about me, and I cared about too. The next day we spent all 24 hours together and it was delightful. We went to a bunch of museums (he knew so much about art it was fantastic - he was basically a personal tour guide), we ate delicious food, talked about how nice our connection is (still not sure how to define it), and yeah, had sex obviously which was incredible. He was really caring in bed; so delicate and so patient. We saw a play that night, and then the next day I saw some family and friends. The whole thing was 48 hours. It was just so surreal. I still can't believe it happened.

I'm really thankful I took a chance on him, especially because it was such a positive sex experience for me (I was really lacking that in 2016).

But now, nearly a month later, I'm thinking to myself that it's really exhausting to maintain a relationship so far away, whatever this relationship may be. I still care about him, but it's harder to care about him in the way that we were together in NYC. And it sounds ridiculous because it was only about 36 hours of total time spent together. He's a really great guy, but video chatting and texting is really hard for me to continue when I want to live in the present too. And I feel bad because he's so caring, but I'm starting to feel distant, and I don't want that feeling. We're video chatting less and texting less. It's not so much of a problem, but I think he gets sad when I don't keep in touch often.

Thoughts? Not really looking for any specific answers.

edit: should note this is probably the closest thing I've ever had to a boyfriend, and that this is my first time having any relationship with a daddy (if that's the term we're using)