A cautionary tale for Kratom

I write this so other fellow people in the kratom community can be aware of the dangers.

It's a little passed midnight, I get up out of bed for my nightly kratom nightcap. My girlfriend is fast asleep next to me and despite us living together, she doesn't know I take it.

Now, I'm not hiding it from her, I keep it in the kitchen cabinet front and center above the sink where she goes in as well. I just never explained to her what it is and she never asked. I just don't like shoving spoonfuls of green powder in my mouth in front of her.

I make my way to the kitchen completely naked (it's relevant) and head into said cabinet and grab a 100g ziplock envelope from one of my favorite vendors and carefully and quietly pry it open.

So far so good.

I'd like to preface this with the fact that I've never in 3 years dropped my kratom.

Ever.

I dropped the envelope. It fell on its side with the mouth facing me and a puff of kratom enveloped my man bits. I didn't even look at first because I felt it go everywhere, just cascading down my junk and legs.

When I stopped cursing at myself, I look down and everything was green, including the shrubbery. Each strand had been powdered green like the branches of a tree in fresh snowfall. I looked like the jolly green giant if he were naked and just got out of a pool. I step back and on the floor are two perfect imprints of my feet.

Fuck.

I started to panic a little. I was hoping that I wasn't too loud and she didn't walk in and catch me like this.

"Why are you up and why is your dick green?"

Not a conversation I wanted to have. I feverishly started cleaning up. The water somehow activated the kratom and it started to make me tingle down there. It burns. It kind of feels like toothpaste but not as intense.

The moral of this tale is to not sneak around and hide things from your significant others or you too will end up with a case of the Green Vein Maeng Daong...

(Edit: Thanks u/Masteronrace, that's hilarious)

Btw, it still burns.