What's the most useful thing you've learned from a failed relationship?
Posted Jan 21, 2017, 2:44 PM UTC
2541
Sometimes you just have to let go. They won't change.
23
That even when someone tells you they love you, if they're hurting you they're hurting you. Just because they love you does not mean they can do whatever they want as long as they regret it.
And yeah, for 16/17 year old me that was a very hard lesson to learn.
13
Respect is everything. The moment is lost relation is doomed.
It is the base for trust and loyalty.
Those are the base for honesty.
Equally important is to be with someone who loves you instead of loving who they think you could be.
10
You attract what you are. Want great? be great.
9
You cannot change anyone. repeat.
8
Once a cheater, always a cheater. I've forgiven infidelity twice, once in high school and once with my ex wife. Both relationships eventually ended due to even more infidelity.
Also, the fact that if she'll leave someone for you, she's perfectly capable of leaving you for someone else as well.
6
Don't make someone a priority when they only make you an option.
6
Don't! + Stop!
doesn't always = Don't stop!
5
Recognize the red flags, and don't brush them off!
When he discourages you while boasting about his own "acconplishments", punches your walls when angry, breaks only your belongings when he's angry, destroys things he knows you've worked hard on, etc... chances are YOU are next. Don't brush off violence and emotional abuse. I wish I had trusted my intuition rather than being so insecure that I let it happen until he began to physically hurt me.
Also, if they cheat and you forgive them, you just showed them that they can get away with cheating.
5
Not to be the stereotypical girlfriend that's controlling, jealous, naggy and clingy. I learned so many bad behaviors from my mother and from the media and just assumed that was the way girls were supposed to be in relationships.
5
The kindest and most compassionate people (me) tend to attract those that need that kind of love and attention the most.... People with emotional ineptitude, narcissists, and addicts (all of my exes)
gets out streamers for pity party
5
Where i went wrong
4
It's trite Nicholas Sparks material, but it's true- you can't make someone love you. In my only serious relationship before I was married, I begged and pleaded with her to stay. She did, for about another month and a half. Cheated on me the whole time after she tried to end it the first time, I was a miserable wreck.
I don't blame her. She tried to do the right thing. She never cheated on me before she tried to break up (that I know of). I was just too emotionally insecure and immature to realize that you can have healthy break ups, too.
4
Don't hold on. When someone wants to break up with you, let them. Don't immediately work to convince them not to, or to take you back. They've likely thought about this. Give them time and space. Maybe things will work out in the future, but if you push for things to work now it can all crumble under the pressure.
Also, if someone is trying to change you, they aren't the person for you in fact, run.
4
Respect is everything. The moment is lost relation is doomed.
It is the base for trust and loyalty.
Those are the base for honesty.
Equally important is to be with someone who loves you instead of loving who they think you could be.
3
[deleted]
3
Don't overreact, though I wonder if I'm underreacting dealing with the shit show that is my current relationship.
3
Give eachother plenty of personal space. If you want to be with your friends for a few days, it doesn't mean you don't want to be with your so, it only means you want to be with your friends. Being together 24/7 is NOT healthy. Don't be jealous and suspicious for no apparent reason. Take it easy. Man don't need drama. We absolutely hate it. Don't ever fabricate drama. Don't hold a grudge over nonsense things. And for the love of god tell me what's wrong. Especially if I ask you to tell me. The answer "NOTHING" when clearly you are upset about something boils my blood.
The holy trinity. Sex, trust, money. If you can't be on the same wavelenght on any of these, the relationship will collapse.
And my real answer to the question: You can be in love and be unhappy in a relationship. If you can't make it working with YOU being happy, you have to move on however hard it is.
3
trust no one.
3
not even urself?
1
lol definitely not.
1
[deleted]
I told my girlfriend that her friend was hitting on her, she swore that what they have is pure friendship. One year later he confessed his love for her and they kissed, she called me and broke up with me the next day.
They are now married with a kid.
The sad truth.