The Tao of Rollercoasters

I used to chart my
state of affairs
and watch
atheist youtube videos.
I used to see my life
as a D-grade movie
and when the movie
inevitably begins to decline,
as a matter of fact,
I’d eject that fucking tape.

Emotions were
for poets and
I didn’t write,
yet.

No, I was a
Snub-nosed rationalist.
It wasn’t that I was angry,
Or blunt, or down,
Or hysterical, or manic,
Only that I was correct.
And correct was my
Only state of affairs.

I used to think
I could put duct tape
on my feelings
and I’d call that duct tape
‘rationality,’
but I didn’t know
it would all come out
sooner or later,
and the duct tape
was no shield
from its blast.

And then I began to
fall in love,
out of love,
dance through streets,
crawl out of bed,
at midday,
and now I write
it all down.

My old friends
tell me
I’m not as smart
as I used to be.
My new friends tell me
I’m emotional.

When friends ask me
what I’ve been up to
I tell them
I’ve been finding myself
and not much else,
and then they
roll their eyes
at much else

Not long ago
I found I have bipolar
I walked out that room
The same man I always was
It explains my past,
but it won’t change it.
It predicts my future,
but it’s no curse.
What goes up
must come down,
and I have a lifetime’s pass
to a rollercoaster

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