I ALMOST FUCKING DIED IN MY SLEEP! I JUST WANT TO FUCKING SLEEP A FULL NIGHT FOR FUCK'S SAKE!

Okay, I have severe obstructive sleep apnea. So, I use a CPAP machine in order to keep breathing while I sleep at night. Basically, the thing is a steady flow of air all night. So, I have a mask and it is connected to the machine by a tube or hose. Whatever you wanna call it. Anyways, I have been lowkey choking in my sleep and gasping for air. Or suffering from severe insomnia. For a week now? I am fucking exhausted. Last night, I woke up choking again. It wasn't too major just annoying and I was scared to sleep. I go to clean my equipment for my CPAP machine and when I ran water through the tube, I found holes. So, I found out there was a leak and that explained why I felt like I wasn't getting enough air. My bf and I ghetto taped the shit out of the tube tonight and wrapped it in a towel so my cats wouldn't destroy it further.

So, I am sleeping and actually feel like I'm getting an appropriate amount of air for once since I no longer have the leaks cuz we fixed it. And it's like 4 am. I'm suddenly choking. And gasping into my mask. I rip it off, and I am coughing. My throat is burning. And I realize in my sleep I almost choked on my fucking acid because I have severe indigestion problems. And that high level of air flow probably worsened it for me. So, I cough and gasp waking up my bf, tears in my eyes, and finally manage to start breathing again but my throat feels like it's on fire. And I just fucking start to cry. It's 5 am now, and I just can't sleep because I'm terrified to fucking sleep! And you know what fucking makes me mad, I've recently started eating much healthier. I have been desperately been trying to avoid excessive take out. And I've limited sugar and even caffeine to some extent without realizing it. I also take an indigestion pill twice a day in order to counteract the indigestion most likely associated with my sleep disorder. And yet, I fucking wake up choking nearly to death despite all of these fucking steps to counteract this shit. I just want to fucking sleep! I want to FUCKING SLEEP I AM EXHAUSTED BEYOND BELIEF I HAVEN'T SLEEP WELL IN NEARLY OVER A WEEK. And now I'm fucking terrified to sleep because I'm afraid I'm going to fucking choke to death. The only silver lining: I see the people that gave me the CPAP machine today.. so hopefully they can give me insight or advice as to what to do next. I probably need to buy a special pillow honestly to elevate my head so I don't fucking die while I sleep. I just... I hate everything right now. I have horrible gas from the machine pumping high levels of air into me. I straight up burped so fucking much I thought I was going to puke. You don't fucking realize how important sleep is until you can't actually do it any more.