What's the Point Anymore

I try to explain how big of a piece of shit I feel like everyday but nobody seems to understand it. My mom has no understanding of my depression whatsoever and my dad just tells me to get my shit together. My friends tell me not to kill myself, but to me that's selfish on their behalf by not letting me go where I want to. I don't want to make my parents feel like utter shit if I kill myself, which is the only reason I don't. If I got shot from behind without knowing a thing man would I be so happy that I wasn't here anymore.