F 18 I just broke up with my 24 M ex of 7 months.

I have just gotten out of a relationship. Throughout the relationship, we have always had problems. I was jealous but got over it, but he would never get over his problems of communication. We both suffer from anxiety and depression, but I have myself treated while he refuses to get himself treated. He always makes excuses such as " I'm fine. I don't have time/busy. It's not that bad." But yeah, it is very bad. He self harms, so I've always tried to help him but I lowkey have always felt like he's hurting me more instead of seeking help.

He just recently moved closer to me (east coast) because he landed a job in NYC. On the said weekend he was driving eight hours, we had made plans to meet up, have a date, spend time, basically just appreciate each other. He then tells me that the company he just got hired from cannot pay for the hotel and cancels seeing me. I'm hurt but I just brush it off. He then makes the very same plans with his sister (who hates me) and does the exact same thing. Cue me being pissed and hurt so I go off on him. "I couldn't afford seeing you! My sister is helping pay!" But I could've helped pay...

I started questioning our relationship when his friends left. Friend's wife doesn't like him, wife makes ultimatum, friend chooses wife (duh!). Few weeks later, more friends start talking shit about ex. They say the same thing that friend's wife said. I start thinking about if it's actually true, or maybe that they're just two faced. It's true... Friend's wife said that ex groomed me to be submissive and to always come crawling back.

My family tells me all the time that's toxic and unhealthy, I constantly cry and miss days of school/work because I feel so depressed. He always does the same thing," I'm sorry babe, forgive me. I'm dumb and stupid." and I swoop back in because I'm young and naive. I just finished crying after I broke up with him.

I ended the relationship because I just got fed up with the ditching of plans, the leading on, the endless excuses, and just his general energy. He was always so pretentious and hurtful, always thinking he's right, never apologizing, putting the blame on me. He always over talks me, I feel stupid about giving my opinion, I'm hesitant to tell him the truth sometimes. Sometimes whenever I speak, he never listens, just goes through his ear, and he literally repeats the very same thing I said a second later and claims credit/thinks he's a genius. I get annoyed and ignore him and then he gets mad AT ME.

I said hurtful things through text like "Do you just ever hear yourself talk sometimes? Like, do you actually realize how fucking stupid and pretentious and annoying you are?"

Maybe I crossed the line, I don't know. He calls me a "selfish bitch" and to "fuck off" all the time, so why do I feel guilty? Why do I feel the need to apologize and be civil when he doesn't deserve my kindness? I guess you can say I still want to be acquaintances, but I think I've stabbed him and twisted the knife really bad during the insulting phase of a breakup.

tl;dr: just broke up with emotionally abusive ex, feeling guilty, want to know if I should try and be civil/apologize or just drop him from my life forever.