Civ 5 tales

What I did as Japan

Start game

Have revolutions, reform and rule, 3 units per tile, leadership reformation, mercenary camps and civ IV diplomatic features enabled

Rush optics

Colonise Korea

Name colony "Busan"

Korea steals Busan in war

Make peace with Korea because not dealing with that army

Captured city starts rioting and rebelling

City eventually becomes an independent nation and rejoins the motherland

Use this as a window to rush Korea

Beefing up my army, so far I have an army of Yari Ashigaru (Pikemen)

Korea spent most of their army fighting the rebellion

Steamroll Korea and make them my vassal

I now control the Korean peninsula, Korea controls some of Manchuria

China and Mongolia declare war

GET ALL THE UNITS

Few centuries of attrition warfare before I get Samurai

Make Mongolia and China vassals, take Beijing

Rebellion begins to stir in my lands

Shitfuck

Pile my units outside cities to forcefully reduce unrest

Rebel units begin to appear

SHIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET

Rebellion is devastating, every tile in my lands are pillaged

Gaining culture and gold by killing rebel units

Siam and Russia declare war a few years later

Vassals defend me as I fight the guerilla's

Russians repelled by Mongolia

China overrun by Siam

Rebellions intensify, lose Beijing and several other cities

I'm taking my ball, and I'm going home

Pull back to the island and build tall

Unlock riflemen awhile later and re-invade Korea using Busan as a launchpad

Retake the old colonies and raze them until they're all size 2 (cities must be size 3+ to rebel)

Happiness is better than last time I tried to do this

Mongols have continued being my vassal this whole time

Liberate China from Siam only to immediately declare war to make them my vassal

Give China all its cities back

Tax them 25% of their GDP

Mongolia is loyal

Mongolia is honourable

Mongolia is useful

Don't tax Mongolia because they are friendly to me and consistently join my wars

Give Mongolia open borders as reward for their service

The Japanese Empire sets its sights on Siam

Decide to play it cool this time, now that world powers are watching me I need to be diplomatic

Siam chose communism

Choose Autocracy

Look for nations that chose Autocracy

Babylon, America and Brazil chose Autocracy (very nice)

Denounce everyone those 3 powers have denounced

Siam denounces me

Gooooooood

Do everything to piss Siam off

Few turns later Siam declares war

Move army to Indochina itself with navy while my vassal keeps them busy

Seize capital

Capital flips back when Puffy Mcdumface figures out what's up

Take it back

Lose it again

Take it back

Lose it again, this time I'm out of units

I can replace my soldiers, but Siam can't replace the dead citizens (not in a few turns that is)

Siam agrees to become my vassal

Accept

Tax them 25% because they destroyed my last Empire

India denounces me

Declaration of friendship with Brazil and Babylon

America denounces me for it

Begin building cities on the pacific islands

Keep cities at 2 population for now with avoid growth until I can improve my luxury resources

Slow expansion until I bump into Australia

Straya tells me to back up

Denounce them

Henry rolls up his sleeves, sharpens his teeth and personally leads a naval fleet against my colonies

Lose some fringe islands

Stalemate island warfare for the next 1000 years because I'm unwilling to stop until I get my islands back

Rebellions begin to occur in the mainland China colonies

I don't care at this point so I just stack 3 artillery in all the important cities (I have a mod for it)

Gandhi, America, Poland, Britain, Inca, Assyria, Morocco and Zulu all declare war on me

By this time I've amassed a fortune from constant warfare and vassal taxes

Had defensive treaties with Brazil and Babylon as well as my 4 vassals

Turns out Poland dominates all of Europe and has little or no rebellion, nice

Pour all my saved up gold into buying the strongest mercenary units available including Wehrmacht, Prachina, Panzers and B17's

Massive standing army, solid core of veteran soldiers and experienced great generals plus some cities completely encased in citadels and forts

The nation forged in war is ready for more

For the Emperor

For the Empire

Dispatch bombers to the South Pacific to hold back the Australian advance

Poland uses their Russian vassals railroad to invade me

Mongolia, my beloved servant holds them off efficiently

Siam recovered well from my war with them and holds off India for a good few turns

I can hold this

For the Emperor

For the Empire

Timelapse to 2000 years in the future

I've been slowly losing ground, a few cowards have tried to make peace through the years

While the enemies of the Emperor still draw breath there can be no peace

My Empire and vassals have grown to encompass almost half of the Eurasian continent

Holding off the American Blitzkrieg at Honolulu (which I settled about 5000 years ago)

Australia the beast is being held at bay in Indonesia

Poland is proving to be a formidable opponent

China (the region, as well as the vassal) has been nuked multiple times

Everyone has nuked my outer cities

No-one has been able to bring a nuke in range of Japan itself

I can win this

For the Emperor

For the Empire

Timelapse another 10000 years

The year is 20450 AD

No hope

No light

No peace

In the grim darkness of the Japanese Empire, there is only war

Vassals have been reduced to rump-states with piss-poor armies

My army is still going strong however and I'm still rich from the constant killing of units for culture and gold

Mainland Japan bathes in atomic fire

Conscript workers to scrub it

Buy even more mercenaries and keep producing units nonstop

Production is hindered by the bombings

Polish war machine has slowed down due to rebellions in conquered territories

Push them back, liberate my vassals cities

Lost one of my best generals, had a really powerful trait that let me conscript defeated units

Still have the rest of my veteran generals so his loss isn't as bad

Looks like I might actually win the war...

But then...

He came...

Skin like tough leather hardened by the sun

Arms like tree trunks

Legs like locomotives

Oiled, muscled abs hard enough to block tank shells

Shaka Zulu has arrived...

I will crush this gnat

Suicidal fool sends his army un-escorted across the sea

Plan to crush him with navy

Forgot I only had one ship that wasn't locked in combat with Australia

SHITSHITSHITSHITSHIIIIIIT

Have nothing to confront them with

All islands are overrun

Some of them are killed but they just keep coming

Philipines and Indonesia fall to Australia

Build a navy to stop them but it's too late

Zulu's land on Japan, land army tries to hold them at bay

Immediately sacrifice a great general for a citadel

Call another great general to the motherland

Hold them off for a couple turns, even kill a good number of units

They just. Keep. Coming.

Poland India and Australia rip my Empire and vassals apart

I am alone...

My other generals and the rest of my army is trapped on the mainland and surrounded by enemies

Income cut off

Brazil takes Washington -- good to know I've been avenged...

For the Emperor...

For the Empire...