What I want in a President as written by the Mainstream Media...

I want a President who cares about worker safety so much they recognize jobs should be shipped to other countries to keep our workers SAFE!

 

I want a President who never says anything that offends anyone, offending people is wrong (and sometimes free speech is wrong too!)

 

I want a President who talks a big game every 4 years and during State of the Union speeches but spends most of their time as President chilling and taking pictures wearing hard hats and shit.

 

I want a President who took billions of dollars from special interests and countries who also own huge portions of the media.

 

I want a President who sticks up for the people (who live in D.C. fuck flyover country buncha crazies lol)

 

I want a President who opposes torture but uses drones to blow people outta the fucking sky.

 

I want a President who doesn't tell the American people how popular they are because its not classy. It's way more classy to tell the American people how great their lives are going even when they tell us they're suffering

 

I want a President who ignores problems at the border because illegal immigrants love this country so much they break its laws to come here.

 

I want a President who is scandal free in name only and who's designation as "scandal free" couldn't survive a simple google search.

 

I want a President who thinks Washington, D.C. having the highest median household income in the US at around $90,000 a year is a GOOD THING and should never change!

 

I want a President who CARES about the refugee's they created by destabilizing regions the refugee's come from!

 

I want a President who will speak up for minorities and KEEP A LID on increased violence in the inner cities. I don't care about violence statistics in the inner cities I care about violence directed towards journalists (which only happens when they speak out about radical islam!)

 

I want a President who understands there are jobs in this country that Americans just won't do, like cleaning toilets! Kelly Osbourne said it best ""If you kick every Latino out of this country, who's going to clean your toilets, Donald Trump?"

 

I want a President who recognizes that putting "America First" means "WHITE PEOPLE first" even though we're a Melting Pot & Nation of Immigrants™ which kinda contradicts that but w/e you get my drift.

 

I want a President who speaks for ME: Citizen Journalist of the mainstream media, I try not to be "biased towards the USA" because my journalism should be independent of my citizenship. But when convenient i'll say things are "Un-American" if they don't fit my agenda.