Im doing good considering this time last year I had just come out the psych ward...

This time last year I was in the psych ward for a suicide attempt. I swear in that moment my life was over whether I went through with it or not. Thing is its one year later & everyday I feel like I regret going to get help. Everything since then doesn't feel real not that life for me has ever felt real... I find myself straightening up at times due to the fear of ending up back in the psych ward. I saw horrifying things I never imagined from the staff & im puzzled. I feel as if there is no help to seek. They engrave fear into you. As if you will never live in the free world if you end up there. I don't want to go back but I need help.