The bombs that get dropped on my ego come from the porn military in my brain

Ever since I started making time for porn everyday, my ego has been seriously threatened. Its like once I started drooling over porn, I have been at war, although its like I'm a defenceless person facing a hostile force everyday, bullying me into accepting an utterly shite life.

You know when you realize something about yourself that's a "bombshell"? As in, a realization that changes you, inconveniences you in a very negative way? Well that's what I've been dealing with ever since I hooked myself up to a porn/porn fantasy IV at age 14, many years ago. Except most of my bombshells are fabrications of my own mind! I hear one little thing and I turn it into something horrific. Its like my consciousness is occupied and I can't get anything past it except my own submission, my own death. So obviously, I've been clinically depressed since age 14.

You know what it is? After all these years I've finally figured it out. Its my porn/masturbatory consciousness pulling strings to make sure I don't develop in such a way as to interfere with its existence. If I gain social status, then porn me goes bye-bye. I only watch porn because I'm sad about my life. If I were to find happiness, porn would have no chance.

Its like my mind is run by a fascist police state that represses my every move, except of course my moves to masturbate and watch/think about dirty things. Whenever I try to assert myself or fight for my rights, I lose. I lost that battle 9 times out of 10. You should know that I was a chronic masturbator for 13 years. Chronic masturbation means you do it just about every chance you get. Yep, that was me.

Nofap and pornfree have done a lot to change me and improve me. I'm still basically a chronic masturbator but my frequency is substantially lower than it was for those 13 years. Eliminating frequency and intensity has done so much to open my eyes up. I see myself now, and I see myself succeeding in life and finding love, self-esteem, fascination and purpose. Porn me is still fighting my advances, but its weaker than ever. Not to seem insensitive, but on a personal level its like I'm finally invading Germany and breaking Hitler's back. After all the shit he's done to me, all the destruction and tragedy, I'm finally getting revenge. And guess what? The world has been getting revenge on Adolph Hitler ever since the end of WW2. All the civil rights, diversity, globalization, its all revenge on Hitler.

Well I'm getting revenge on my own personal Hitler, and that Hiter is the porn version of myself that I have worshipped/submitted to for 13 years. All the personal bombings, genocide, everything that I've been putting up with all these years, its all coming to a final collapse.

Soon I'll be living free again, and I'm gonna live so free its gonna amaze me. I won't be broken anymore. I won't stand hunched over in life just so an unnatural and brainwashed version of myself can continue to exist on my back. One day I will stand up straight and tall again.