180 Day Monk Mode

I've been thinking about doing something like this for a bit, but I decided it's finally time I see what I'm capable of.

Basically I've gone pretty apathetic on the subject of relationships now. I'm 35 and - call me a perv if you will - but I'm just not physically attracted to girls anywhere near my age any more. 19-25 year old's were attractive when I was that age and they are still attractive now.

On the other hand, girls that age don't tend to be attractive in terms of personality and their life situation. So I've finally reached "bitter old man" age, where I'm not interested in having a relationship with a younger girl (and obviously there's the challenge in getting one anyway) and not attracted to girls my age.

Now obviously if I were capable enough with relationships, I could either find a rare 25 year old who's actually got their life together, or a 30 something year old I actually am attracted to. But I'm not really at that level.

I tried simply getting out of dating and relationships entirely... But that inevitably ends in fapping and porn. And honestly I don't know what's worse, crappy relationships or one night stands, or jacking off to porn. Neither appeal to me.

Which brings me here! Here's my theory. Obviously I'm not in control of my life sexually. I can't control what I'm attracted to, I can't get what I want and I can't do without. I'm basically a slave to my sex drive. I'm not fond of the idea of being a slave to anything, especially something as lame as a dick and balls secreting hormones. So, after some Googling and finding and reading up on NoFap, I've decided Monk Mode is for me.

The reason I chose 180 days, is because my goal is not just to "win" the challenge. My goal is to get to a point where I feel fully in control of myself sexually. After 180 days, I want to either be content going ahead with a life of celibacy, full monk style. OR, if I can achieve it, to get into a proper relationship, with a girl I am actually attracted to physically and mentally.

Writing entertains me and I figure it will give me some incentive to maintain my discipline, so I'm going to do daily updates here about my progress. Today is day 0, having fapped before, so... it begins!

One thing I'm going to try based on some searches is a herb called Vitex. Apparently it used to be used by monks to help curb sexual cravings, though there is no real evidence that it works for that. Still, placebo effect can be strong. Will report on how that goes too, have to buy some first.