No Attachment To People

I have rarely brought this up in my life because when I do, people either tell me "You do care, it's impossible not to" or "You're just in a stage of grief." But both of those things are false.

I'm starting to think something is wrong with me. To start with, my father died in 2012. I was 11 or 12. He had lung cancer. I never saw myself as a cold person, but it just didn't affect me. My aunt told me after a phone call one morning that he died, and I literally had to pretend to cry.

All of this time later, and I'm waiting to actually grieve, but I know it just isn't going to happen. The same thing happened with my great grandmother and my uncle. I just wasn't emotionally affected. I didn't want them to die, but when they did it was almost like I resumed life as though nothing ever happened.

I also am this way with other losses. I can be best friends with someone but if they move states, I'm not sad. Eventually I'll even stop contacting them. I'm not sure why, I just lose all investment in the relationship.

My best friends mother died of cancer and I just didn't know how to react. This should have made me sad, but I just felt empty, like usual. I hugged her and just felt uncomfortable about the whole situation.

I basically have no emotional attachment to anyone no matter how much they should mean to me.

I don't want to go as far as to say I have no empathy, because I think I do. I feel terrible when I accidentally step on my dog. It's just people I don't really care about.

I would never actually hurt anyone for fun, so I don't think I'm a sociopath. It's just that pretending to have emotions like other people is starting to get exhausting. I mean, I feel anger and anxiety, I've just rarely ever felt happy or loved/in love Or anything.

I feel like a robot. And I'm worried that people will notice and I won't be able to explain it to them because I don't even know what's going on myself.