Welcome to the People's Republic of Fentanilia

GANITO KAMI SA BANSANG FENTANILIA

This is not fake news. This is an entire alternate universe.

Napoles is innocent. Gloria is free. The super-thief Marcos is a super-hero. Peter Lim is free. Jack Lam is free. Inmates are star witnesses who get VIP perks.

Duterte took Marcos plunder money for “Change” Frat brods took P50M bribe for “safekeeping” Trust me there is no corruption. P8-trillion infrastructure fund is safe from trapos.

Tens of billions for War on Drugs. Billions in “intelligence” funds. To help dumb ones Couple of billions for displaced mine workers. No billions for Surigao quake. Donate to DSWD.

We have the Best & the Brightest. Foreign Sec who was American – truly foreign. Comms Secretary who is Trolls Secretary. Lots of showbiz, loyalists, classmates, province-mates.

Secretary of Justice is eminently qualified. He believes drug personalities are not human. He’s a real man wearing a fake wig. Not a fake man wearing a real wig.

Selfies for biggest criminals & smugglers. Push-ups for suspected police criminals. Bullets & masking tape for petty suspects. The rich pay with cash. The poor pay with lives.

Philippines is very safe. Just like Singapore.

CPP-NPA are fighting for their beliefs so let's talk. Oh wait, they are terrorists. Get them. Abu Sayyaf are fighting for their beliefs. Oh wait, they are terrorists. Eat them.

There is no Davao Death Squad. People are just falling dead at night in gutters. But charge that guy Matobato. For crimes he admitted as DDS hitman.

We love the Philippines. See him holding the flag? So we share it piece-by-piece with China. Potluck party. They bring pancit, trains & loans. We bring bagoong, islands & seas.

My gaaaaad, I haaaate draaaags. We love China, which supplies 99% of our shabu. We hate America, which supplies 100% of our Fentanyl. He should shift to shabu. Cheaper na, made-in-China pa