Sometimes I feel like giving up...

Sometimes I feel like I did so much damage prior to getting clean, that I will never fully recover. In fact I know I have. Physically, mentally, and to my family. I hate myself and will never forgive myself for being a drug addict during my daughters infancy. I will never forgive myself. Sometimes I feel like I should give up and leave everyone. Maybe my fiancé will find someone who hasn't distorted their brain and reputation because of drugs. Maybe she can find someone who isn't a manically depressed anxiety ridden basket case. Kratom is great and all, but my anxiety and depression rule my life. I hate it. My parents were fuck ups. My mom was a degenerate parent who had me at 17 and was more interested in partying than raising her kids. My dad was a 2bit con artist drug addict alcoholic. I was an allstar baseball player my whole life and an all American in college and my dad never saw me play once. Even when he was in town he always managed to get just drunk enough to never see me play baseball. He never had a job and was an addict and an alcoholic. When I was 19, he got cirrhosis. I moved to Florida from Ohio to live with him so that he didn't have to die alone. He drank himself to death in my arms. All my life all I wanted was a father figure to make proud. My mom remarried to another alcoholic who beat her up and beat my brothers and I up from a very young age. My mom is a wreck. She ended up leaving the second dude, and is now 50 something with a dead end job, and almost as depressed as me. Almost. I have such a beautiful family. My fiancé is literally one of the most beautiful women on the planet. She is the definition of a "dime". 10/10 AND she is Asian. My daughter is the cutest, smartest person I've ever met. I wish I did better. I wish I wasn't so mentally unstable. I own two successful businesses , and both suffered immensely because of my addictions. I own a vape shop and e liquid company. I was stealing boat loads of money from myself via the shop, to spend on pills, and my fiancé had me removed, restraining order, and legally banned from entering my own business. We are back together, but my GM hates me so bad that he will quit if I ever go back to working in the store. He is a very good GM, does not need the job, does above and beyond what anyone in their right mind would do for 9$ an hour, and my fiancé is so afraid of him leaving that we agree that I don't go into the store for fear of him actually quitting. My other business runs remotely. It's an e liquid company. I am the founder and crafted the liquid line, and have an exclusive distributor as well as a sales team and a manufacturer. So I don't really do much except collect a check. I would like to work back in my shop, but don't want to cause upset, and have him quit and have to work all day every day, and be able to spend less time with my family. Also I know we won't be able to find another employee as good as him, who will work as much as him for the price he works for. I do hate the motherfucker though. I wish he could just move on and forgive me. I never damaged his life. I wish I didn't have to spend my life walking on eggshells. My problems probably sound trivial, but if you understand depress and anxiety, maybe you can align. Maybe not. I dunno... my evening dose is starting to take effect and I feel a bit less depressed. I just hate it. I see a therapist, she wants to put me on RX meds, but I don't want to. Maybe I should? I don't know....