[Essay Topic] Some individuals think that parents should spend a lot of time playing games or sports with their children. Others think that parents should devote more time in helping their children in schoolwork. Which do you think is better?

    World changed. From the Three Kingdom Period of Korea where ordinary life mostly consisted of family members devoting all time and energy into agriculture, contemporary times allow people to utilize time for leisure activities and education. In such a world, some people believe that parents should spend a lot of time playing games or sports with their children, while others consider that parents need to devote more time assisting their children in education. Which is better? Definitely the latter.

    To begin with, in current society, children need to devote a substantial amount of time in education. Especially in Korea, in order to live a "prosperous" life, students require excellent grades in school, since many universities and corporations have high demand for individuals with outstanding educational performance. This requires much time, effort and external support spent in education. It should also be further noted that these organizations now emphasize academic skills far more distinctively than physical skillsets utilized in games or sports.

    Also, it is a deeply ingrained sentiment in Korean society where individuals who do not enroll in prestigious universities are presumed individuals with no fundamental skillsets required for average life. Then, confidence itself of such people may be substantially dwindled. To add on, personally, this writer has heard of many relatives, including cousins, having their job applications immediately returned to them for not having come from a prestigious university in Seoul, the capital city. They expressed much frustration and felt rejected by society. In order to prevent this, parents have the perfect ability to assist.

    Thus, this writer proclaims that it is definitely better for parents to devote more time doing schoolwork with their children because of requirements in society and social sentiment.

Self Assessment

In all the essays that I post on r/NoobEssays I always give myself a strict period of 30 minutes to write. I especially try not to look up more suitable words in the dictionary while writing, albeit I do look up the dictionary periodically.

The format used is very typical.

• [1]Introduction : Some sort of "background" story and actual introduction of the topic

• [2]Main Clause 1 : First Reason why I think ~

• [3]Main Clause 2 : Second Reason why I think ~

• [4]Conclusion : Repeat my main statements in a simplified fashion

I consider this essay to match the format I wished to use, no huge issue on that I presume.

One think that I disliked about this essay and all the essays that I write in general is that whenever I'm requested to write my opinion, I always write in third-person point of view with no direct expressions of subjective claims. This makes my writing look like a tedious fact-book, with no juicy content and it really doesn't seem like I'm stating my earnest opinions.

Another thing to note is that since I'm not a native English speaker, I need to study vocabulary. A lot. So I do study vocabulary every day, memorize words, try to use them in sentences. I succeed in that, but because of difficulty in English itself, I can't apply my knowledge of vocabulary while writing off-the-cuff essays. I presume it's because I panic, so I'll need to practice not freaking out when writing essays.

8:46PM update : Noticed spelling mistakes as well... embarassing