The Paradox of the Lonely Introvert

The way I handle social situations is akin to the manner in which anorexics react to the presence of food. Deep down, I know that I need to interact with other people in order to maintain my health, and I have a constant craving for companionship. But rather than feeling rejuvinated by the presence of friends and family, I am left hollow and fatigued. And so I begin a social purge, ejecting as much human contact as I posibly can.

This only leads to further loneliness. It's a cycle that can be and has been broken, but while doing so leads to great joy, that joy erodes into fatigue and before I know it I've been sucked back into the vortex.

I sucked at verbal communication yet there's so much I wish to say.

I dislike physical contact yet I often wish for a hug.

I hate crowds yet I want to have my friends and family in my life.

The solutions to my problems happen to be what causes them in the first place.