I am so sick and tired

Nearly every aspect of my life is falling apart at once.

I've been an alcoholic for 10 years, with very brief spurts of sobriety between 4 inpatient stays and countless failed attempts at outpatient. Currently i have taken all of my sick days at work for the year, having to leave early for getting sick, seriously jeopardizing my job, concerning my coworkers, and pissing off my boss. My roommate threatened to move out when I passed out and peed on our couch surrounded by vodka bottles. My fiends and family having stopped answering the phone because I call blacked out too often. I completely destroyed a relationship with a wonderful person in front of his entire family. I vomit in the morning more often than not. I'm 29 and feel like I'm dying.

I'm getting scared. I'm afraid I'm gong to die, I'm afraid ill be remembered as a fall down hopeless drunk. And All because I couldnt do anything but sit in a room alone and drink until I passed out.

I'm currently at home, no booze in the house, knowing I will not sleep, trying to keep water down, miserable. But I refuse to drink because I'm so afraid to die.