It's Time to Try Something Different

Okay, so for my entire life I've felt like an outcast. I was always on the fringe. I had "friends" but no one I could really connect to. Nobody that I would want to just go and hang out with. I lost myself in novels and video games. As I grew older I learned how to...adapt. Become who I needed to be when I needed to be. I didn't gain any more friends, but I did stop being the obvious black sheep. Throughout high school I never drank, never did drugs, never went to a party, never dated. I did well in school, but it took no effort. My family life was shit, and I just withdrew. I did what I had to so that I didn't lose my mind. After I graduated and went into college, I met someone. We clicked and actually started dating. We would stay together for three years and even end up becoming engaged. She cheated on me 3 times. I ended up developing severe depression, medically withdrawing from school, and withering away. Not all because of her. There was a lot going on. But I went to therapy, said what I was supposed to, and thought. I thought and thought and thought. It consumed me. I thought about the past. The possible futures. How I could have done things differently. I watched people. I listened. I lied both to my therapist and myself, believing I was better. Like depression was just a phase. A year after that, I met another woman. I wish I had been more observant. Less enamoured. I thought that we were "soulmates." I was pathetic, looking back. She absolutely ripped my heart out and stomped it into pieces. I nearly took my own life. I was a fucking idiot. I'm here now. I'm 22, almost 23, and I'm actually...okay. The thoughts still consume me sometimes, but I've learned to deal with it. I've learned how to cope. I'm listening more, pushing myself harder. I'm trying to...see myself as more than just a monster in a mirror. I had to take the MBTI once, and I got INTJ. That never really sat well with me. Recently I took it again and got INFJ, and as I read about what an INFJ is. And it was like reading a dossier on me. It was creepy. And freeing. I wasn't just some enigma. Some freak. Some outcast. There are other people out there. And that's really why I'm here. I just want people to talk to. To converse with semi-regularly. Who won't find me odd when I ask off the wall questions or whiplash back to a topic from 30 minutes ago. Who won't just fucking disappear. I imagine that when I get into a different frame of mind I'll regret posting this, but who knows? Maybe this will be the catalyst for a life changing event.

EDIT Sorry if I come off as...I don't know, self-defeating? Or as a wussy? I'm really not sure why I wrote all of the stuff about my past. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I don't know. But yeah...thanks in advance for responses. Of any type.