[DUE 2-17-2017 11:59P.M Eastern stander time] Please proofread this for me. It is a narrative essay.

Please proofread this for me. It would also be a big help if you guys could give me suggestions on lengthening this and how to better structure this. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Tpd91xe8ctcibbB5ZabjyCVzTkb1kGZc85uHac3Vbv0/edit?usp=sharing