My mothers burden

I am one of six children, raised in an attempted co-parenting home for the beginning years of my childhood, only to have my mother finish the difficult task of raising us on her own.

My mothers heaviest burden is her eldest, my older brother, we'll call him John. John was my idol as a kid. I looked up to him academically and personality wise. I would mimick his cursive practice writting sheets, when back then it was mandatory on those grey recycled outlined papers to learn from. I would read all the books he would bring home from school and play all the games he'd buy.

He moved from family member to family member everyone wanting to have him as a tax exempts but him not being able to deal with that he came to resent many of my family members not only for their greed but for the lack of respect they had for our mother.

One of the reasons John moved in with family was his confession to being sexually molested at the age of 12 by trusted family friend, a friend my mother rusted. If only that was the case, but the abuse did not stop there.

After not only accomplishing to aquire a full ride to one of the top universities of our state, he had just made it to the deans list when he was accepted into one of the frat houses... only to be sexually abused and discarded. From what my family says, he also used his loans on drugs for the frat house according to pictures he'd upload online...

He now roams the street, with crust on his head from lack of showers, used up shoes with holes and the same clothes my mother gave him six months ago to this day. He's sunburned and peeling from walking in the city all day and scrawny and thin of malnutrition.

My mother still has in her care three of my younger siblings, but today when he came by her restaurant to eat, my mother broke. Almost offering him a home, a shelter, food and much needed love...

But she cannot house him, not that she would not love to, but you see... John is sick. John has maddening violent episodes that last days and nights with only a moment of clarity at a time. John cannot control himself when he is in this state... and he's homewrecked my mothers place more than half a dozen times putting the children and my mother in danger.

She has placed him in a rehabilitation more than once, in a mental institute more than once, but nowhere have they made a difference. He checks himself out and continues on as before. He does not take his medication that my mother has spent hundreds on and he does not want to stop doing the drugs he gives every penny to.

My mother prays and wails every night for his protection and his salvation. My siblings now listen in silence when she does this and they wait for her to finish so that they may approach her.

John, roams the streets as a young man in his mid-twenties... not being able to control his maddness nor his actions... and my mother can do nothing but feed him when he appears and pray for him... and it breaks my heart.

He's been this way since he dropped out of college, seven years ago. And every night since then my mother prays for him and every week she must reject him a warm bed to sleep in for the safety of her remaining children.

I know there are others that have gone through this, how do you comfort her? How do you tell her that he will one day change... or just die... What can you even tell her? The children don't even feel sympathy for John any more. They're more scared than anything, I get it. I also get that John needs help... But who's?