I'm so ready to disappear.

I can't be bothered to go about my day to day when I'm trying to flat out not be a bother and I'm still getting shit on for not being good enough for people. Getting shit talked and patronized for waving at someone who I thought was looking at me because of his own trash bag of what I can only assume is a shitty upbringing, being abandoned by my "friends" for disappearing for two weeks straight knowing full well I know I annoy them with constantly sharing my depressive and suicidal thoughts, and feeling like I'm being an absolute waste of space for just existing like I need to prove to people that I need to exist. I want to go away, I want to crawl into some hole and waste away so everyone can keep fucking each other over without me being a part of this absolute abysmal existence that I'm forced to participate in when nobody wants me around, nobody cares about me, and everything would be better if I just shot my brains out and stopped being an inconvenience. Fucking hell.