Hold me tight, Hold me against you And please let me melt In your perfect embrace. I want to feel your ribs flank to me as you tell me that I am your little slice of heaven... The cheese said to the patty.
Posted Mar 15, 2017, 9:22 PM UTC · edited
I wed them on the daily. I really enjoy reading your poems, I never know what to expect and this one totally delivers. Keep up the good work!
Definitely interesting. Now what I expected.
Nice little twist at the end, but I almost feel like ribs needs to be something more anatomically correct (as much as one can with a burger patty) since the ending makes us want to reread and look for clues we missed. Fun though. 👻
I mean, if it's a grilled patty, it'll have "ribs" from the lines of the grill.
Ahhh, I see. I was envisioning being cooked on a flat top, so that makes sense now. Thanks for clearing it up.
Your hints were subtle and didn't give way to the ending. Funny how I thought about cheese the entire time though. But cheese is life. I think your poem could be ever so slightly better if you just separated
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and tell me that I am your little slice of heaven...
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into 2 lines like so:
Â
and tell me that
I am your little slice of heaven...
Â
I just think it fits the format more.
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Very humorous indeed! the personification caught me off-guard. Line breaks and spacings could've strengthened your impact and humor. This piece is not only humorously misleading, but also rich with wordplay and double-meanings like "little slice of heaven," "melt," "ribs," and etc.
I was going comment that it's a bit too sappy, until I read the ending.. heh. If you're goal was to make me hungry for a cheese bugger, then mission accomplished.