when I am here
in the maze of a hundred
streets, the writhing grid
under the luminescence of a thousand
windows, sentry and bare
the flicker of a million
lives, in disjointed harmony
now
I know loneliness
is not what I am on my own
but when i am in the midst of
a hundred roads
a thousand doorways
a million heartbeats
and still, without you.
if you like this piece, I have a new instagram to share my other work. @astalderea
Posted Mar 24, 2017, 7:17 PM UTC
great piece, especially the use of enjambment and as mentioned, your descriptive language. consider some specificity regarding its setting and the place of the speaker in it.
The structure is interesting and I liked how you used the numerical values to build the intensity to the importance of one person but it didn't quite land with me. I understand the sentiment but I felt as though I wanted a more descriptive parallel between loneliness amongst the masses and the comfort that can be provided by a single individual.
Your poem is pretty great. I love how descriptive it is and the feeling I got when I read it. It's pretty relevant to what I went through. How long have you been writing poetry?
Thanks! I've been writing for a long time, but I only started sharing my work about a month ago via an anonymous Instagram account.