Drowning

Lots of emotion here. The poem tells a story, that's for sure! I must say I've often felt the same way with regard to your line: "I'm not tired of saying, 'I love you', I'm tired you saying, 'I know'." I also like the sentiment given off by the last line.

Having said that, I think there are many things you can do to improve this poem. My biggest critique is that I very much subscribe to the view that poetry should be very much a "Show, don't tell!" kind of art. For the most part your poem relies on a narrative with very little use of poetic devices. I think the only time you do is "It feels like I'm drowning in the sand."

Also, I think the first two stanzas contain an emotion that can resonate with the reader. The last stanza however interrupts this flow of heartbreak, and reveals emotional immaturity (with the second line, for me, being an exception). The last one could be saved simply by taking out the word "selfishly", perhaps: "You deny my heart is breaking/As yours remains unstirred."

I apologize if you feel offended by what I just said, however, the reader does not know your history and is only able to extract emotion from the words you put on the page.

Unrequited love is one of the worst things in the world. Especially when they used to love you but one day it's just gone. I feel the emotion in this on a personal level. "I'm tired of saying I love you and you saying I know" I'm paraphrasing, but that line was heavy, man. Good job.

Good rhythm to it, but it feels empty. Everyone knows the feeling of love that isn't reciprocated; your poem should've explored deeper emotions than simply "I loved you, but you didn't love me". Seems shallow. For example, you could've talked about these slightly more complex emotions:

• "I'm OK with you not loving me back, as long as you like me."
• "I am madly in love with you even though you ignore me. Will you hurt as badly when I start ignoring you?"
• "I wish I didn't love you, but I do. I'm looking for a cure, because I don't want to."

Just some ideas. Try to look past the cliched emotions that we're all familiar with (even if they're genuine on your end). Look deeper. You'll find more interesting stuff to write about.

I feel like I've said this a bit too much lately but, at risk of making myself seem disingenuous, I will say again this poem strikes home at the moment. I actually like how the length of the lines grows as the poem builds, it seems to reflect that sensation of the growing dissonance, frustration, anxiety that come with the communication gap and the weight of being without the person, or the errors made loom larger.

This took me back to an experience I had just about a year ago, so bravo for being able to revive old emotions. I will say though that the rhyme scheme sounds a bit... odd to me? I also want to piggy back off of someone else who commented here saying the whole "show, don't tell" idea. While it is extremely emotion filled, I didn't have to think much, I don't know if that was your goal or not though. Anyway, thanks for sharing and all in all I think it's a lovely poem that just needs a few touch-ups.