This feels very superficial and feels like a cliche. I'm not saying it is bad, but it would be a very good pop song :P

You don't have to rhyme, rhyming =/= better poetry. Just write. Let your emotions fill the page, be transparent, and be real. Don't sacrifice authenticity for rhymes.

Again, I want to reiterate that this isn't a bad piece. It just lacks true, raw, unadulterated emotion. 



Also

> Rule 4: To receive feedback, you must provide 2 pieces of feedback you've given recently (within last 2 months). Please link to these in the body of your post. Links should be unique to each submission (don't re-use links)

Hi Roflitos! Your poem has been removed from OCPoetry because you did not include 2 links to feedback. [\[Click here\]](http://oc.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/search?q=flair%3A%27Requests%27&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all#ocf) to find some poems awaiting feedback. You can message us [\[here\]](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FocPoetry) after editing your post, and we can re-approve it. Otherwise you may post your poem in a Sharethread.  

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No title