Source
r/TransyTalk•
PromotesGayCommunism

Realizing you have feelings of "I want to be him/her" for the opposite sex

At some point I realized: I don't have a male beauty ideal. No male beauty goal. Others try to achieve a certain look.
They see actors and models and athletes who inspire them to work out, copy their hair style, dress like them.
At the same time I'm not happy with my body.
But if you give me a catalogue of men to browse through and you ask me "Which one would you like to look like?" there is not a single one I could point to and plenty make me actually uncomfortable.
Give me a catalogue of women though and I will not only pick one, I will also spent hours debating back and forth, being extremely invested in this choice.
I think this was one of the biggest eye openers for me personally.

So I'm wondering how did everyone else come to understand this feeling? Similar thought experiments or maybe a certain event?

Posted Apr 13, 2017, 7:59 PM UTC

3313
shelbon22•

For me it was more a realization that I always was female but I tried so hard to be masculine because literally everyone told me I needed to be since I was amab. I have no person I'm trying to be/look like, I'm just trying to be me.

16
PromotesGayCommunismOP•

I am certainly trying to be myself as well, but my desires on how to dress and how I would like to look are undeniably inspired by other people.
And when I started questioning myself I realized that none of these inspirations are men.
That was certainly a slap in the face to all my attempts to ignore and downplay this.
So did you have some kind of other realization(s) which made you accept that being yourself means being a woman, or how did you deal with any doubts?
Oh and I just read through my original post again and I think I should have worded it a bit differently. "I want to be him/her" certainly sounds a bit creepy, haha.

6
shelbon22•

Short answer is yes but there's no simple or quick way to explain. I just sort of realized and then tried doing woman things and wearing women's clothing and never felt more right. That was how I knew for sure anyway.

1
plazmablu•

Yeah. I can relate. I used to never care about my clothes, I felt embarrassed trying to style my hair and I would never have asked the barber for a specific cut... Male style and fashion just didn't pop for me.

I can definitely remember wanting to wear a nice red dress and being jealous that girls got to have all the choices they did... Guess it makes sense now. Actually I still want to wear a nice red dress. But girl clothes are expensive... Basically I need a job to buy dresses and make up. And to get a job, I need to get past the complete lack of motivation for anything. And to do that, I need to become a girl.

8
severalsmallweasles•

this is one of those things that I only noticed in retrospect. I'm nb, and into pretty femme guys, so that was confusing. But I look at (for instance) members of bands I loved when I was a young teenager and I was pretty obsessed with one kind of guy (andro, sensitive, slim) even though I've never really could imagine dating someone like that.

Now it aaaall makes sense.

3
plazmablu•

Thoughts on David Bowie?

1
severalsmallweasles•

not my thing tbh

1
sakurablitz•

when i was young, i tended to gravitate towards male friends. of course, as a child, gender didnt really matter at the time. but i felt like i belonged more with guys than with other girls. it felt more... comfortable, i guess?

as i got older, i started thinking seriously about what i would be like when i was an adult. id be a woman. it felt surreal, thinking of myself as a female adult felt more like an out of body experience and that that wasnt me at all. it was very troubling for a kid who didnt have any idea he was trans at the time. id cry about it, and wonder why i was crying. wasnt that normal? thats what im supposed to be? i started getting super jealous of my male friends. why couldnt i just be that? whyd i have to be born this way and shit like that

i dunno really what im saying, just kind of letting some feelings out. ironically, even though i know who i am now, i feel out of place with cis guys. like i dont belong. like im just some kind of fake male who isnt actually male because im fucked up im constantly afraid if i out myself ill be made fun of or immediately dismissed like im some sort of joke. at the same time, im jealous of them. all my friends are great people and would probably accept me anyways, but fuck i just... i guess i still hate myself too much to allow myself to take that chance. i dont need other people hating me too. i wish i could go back to being a kid, not caring what i was and just fitting in anyways.

wow this got off topic im really sorry didnt intend on this being a sob story my bad

2
cammur•

One of my biggest retrospective "oh..." moments was when I realized my whole workout routine was geared toward feminizing my body shape.

1
allie-the-cat•

I realized that these feelings of wanting to be a girl KEPT. COMING. BACK. and repressing them wasn't working. I had always wanted to be a girl, always been jealous of girls, even daydreaming about what would happen if my ex wife died or something and thinking that yeah, I'd transition then.

Then I realized I can transition, and I can do it now

1
fluxinthesystem•

I started playing as girls in MMOs and videogames. And before I had basically just made characters who looked like me, so that trend continued where I just made girl characters who had similar traits to myself (tall, short brown hair, ect). I realized that I identified way more with these female versions of myself than with the male ones. I never tried to make my characters supermodels, or sultry sex objects either, just normal average looking lady versions of myself. That was one of the signs I noticed when I was younger than I might be different from "other guys".

1
dr4g0n3y355•

One of my best friends was explaining what being trans is and I realized that my self mutilation and other desires of being the opposite sex weren;t be being a monster. I think the most important part was realizing that I'm not a monster. (I genuinely thought that for a good chunk of time)

1
LameBuzzard•

I love that thought experiment tbh that's really clever. Idk when I was in my early early teens I was into anime and sated budding sexuality with anime porn. "Traps" and "femboy's" seemed an obvious choice. After a bit of time and some negative responses from a friend it faded out of my interests. 5-6 years later I'm putting needles in my balls wishing they were gone. It only took a bit from there to realize there's a very obvious reason I want these things gone, and a very obvious reason I wanted to appear so feminine.

1