I'm so tired of being invisible all the time

To be honest. My anxiety has gotten to a point where I reach borderline paranoia in social situations. I always feel like no matter what I say, what I do, or whatever, the other person will simply not care about it even if they show signs on interest. Socialization is just so volatile and unstable. I never know when the other person will lose interest and simply hop to their better, more interesting friends. Even if someone were to approach me, I know in the back of my mind that no matter how they're acting right now, they'll be back to ignoring my existence in a span of a few days.

And when someone tells me to force myself to engage in conversation it's hard to keep up the act. I might be able to drop in a comment on an existing conversation and if I'm lucky I MIGHT get a response (but only one, hardly enough to start a full blown conversation). but no matter the case I always hear that nagging feeling in the back on my mind like "go away, can't you see they aren't interested?" or "stop bugging them, they don't care" and it doesn't take long for me to feel extreme regret and stop engaging people.

And the worst part is, I feel like it's all my fault. Sure I haven't done anything inherently wrong or bad. But everyone around can seem to build and maintain stable friendships, everyone I look at seems to have some sort of person they socialize with regularly. And based on this data it seems like something is inherently wrong with me, not them. This translates into a vicious cycle of self hate, extreme envy, and spite. Which only drives me to distance myself even further from society, severely limiting my chances to break the cycle.