Skills Wednesday! Week 1 : Mindfulness
I've decided that each week, on Wednesday, I'll do a posting regarding a certain skill, with some links and some thoughts and.. I invite YOU to participate. If you've got some great links / articles or thoughts, please post it down in the comments.
This week, I'm starting with Mindfulness. This is a core skill in DBT. But why is it a core skill? It's a core skill because being mindful does a few things.
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when practiced regularly, it slows down the escalation of emotions.
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It makes the practicer aware of their vulnerabilities and more aware of surroundings.
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When used, it can calm you down and keep you grounded.
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It makes you happier.
So what is mindfulness? I know a lot of people struggle with it and I suspect it's because it's presented in DBT a lot of times as meditation. Now, mindfulness can be meditation, but it doesn't have to be meditation.
All being mindful is, in the most simplified terms, is being aware.
I think the biggest benefit of mindfulness in DBT is making the practicer aware of their vulnerabilities and aware of surroundings. Now why is that important? Well, lets say, you have a big family dinner, and your family is, like some, invalidating or critical. Now, lets picture you, in a non mindful state. You attend the dinner. As soon as you walk in the door, a family member is critical of the fact you were late due to traffic. You start to get anxious or angry. Other family members, over the course of visit, contribute some criticism, invalidation, personal jabs. You eventually explode, they tell you, 'You're over reacting!' and you end up leaving in tears.
Now how would that situation be different if you were mindful?
Being mindful of that situation and your family, would mean that you, say on waking up, would assess that you're not feeling 100%. You have to attend this dinner, but you notice that you didn't sleep well, you're groggy, you feel achy all over, maybe it's a cold coming on. But you make a mental note of that, you treat yourself with kindness, you care for yourself (maybe a hot shower or bath, throw on that favorite article of clothing) you validate your emotions and feelings.
"Yes I feel like shit today. Even though I don't want to, I still need to go to that family dinner. <insert caring family member here> is expecting me. I'm going to take some advil and treat myself to a hot drink on the road to my family." You use and apply other DBT/CBT skills to support the mindfulness skill.
Being mindful of yourself and that situation means that you KNOW your family is invalidating. You KNOW your family is critical of you. Now, that doesn't make it acceptable or right but it does mean you are well aware that you are walking into a possible minefield. Being mindful of yourself means that you KNOW that you are feeling vulnerable and somewhat unwell. Knowing this, means you can prepare. You can pack a portable comfort kit for your car. You can arrange to have a friend call half way through for support or as a lifeline to escape. You can plan your arrival and departure to still have the visit but minimize the time. (Distress Tolerance skills)
You arrive, and your family member is critical of the fact you were late. You, being mindful, are well aware that this was likely to occur. You take a deep breath. You feel your feet on the floor, your chest slowly rising and falling. In your mind you validate yourself. Today, you came prepared and aware. You came knowing you felt vulnerable today. You struggled with traffic to get here. Maybe you listened to some great music and sang along to offset the frustration, which you noticed because you were mindful of your body tensing up. You smile at your family member, and say, 'Whelp, traffic was shit... it is what it is!' (Radical acceptance).
You mingle with the family member you actually came to see. You enjoy spending time with them. You're observant and mindful. "Did they always have that freckle on their cheek? They give strongest bear hugs! Damn, this is one of my favorite people. I really love and appreciate them." You listen to them. Really listen to them. You focus on the now, not on the past, not on the future but the right now. You live in that moment. You are not thinking about work next week, or how your other family member was critical of you for being late. If your mind get pulled away from the moment, you start to mentally drift into the past or the future, just bring your attention back to the now. Don't judge the drifting. It's normal. Just gently nudge yourself back to the moment you're in. Maybe gently pinch the skin between your thumb and forefinger to pull yourself back. Focus your attention to the now. That is all being mindful is.
Now, with all that being said. It takes some training to get your mind to stop jumping around. Practicing the skill means that you get better at it and it means that it will come more easily to you in times of distress. You cannot expect to just 'be mindful' in a times of crisis with no daily practice. It's like asking newborn baby to finish a 5km run. Impossible! Time and practice is really what will cement this skill in your mind and make it accessible for you to use in times of difficulty.
Meditation is great if you are able to do it, but for beginners or those struggling with mindfulness, I would suggest starting slow and practicing daily. Just constantly bringing yourself back to the moment you are in. Noticing where you are, how you feel, how your body feels. Breath exercises are the core of mindfulness activities but I personally experienced that sensation based activities really helped me learn. Building on that, I was able to move onto meditation and breath exercises.
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listen to your favorite song and REALLY listen to it. Can you detect the use of certain instruments? Does the beat change? Are the lyrics really what you thought they were?
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During a shower or bath, really feel the water on your skin. Splash the water around, watch how it moves. What about your soap? Does it have a scent, What exactly is the scent? Lather up a washcloth, bath mitt, back brush and pay attention to the feeling on your skin.
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During walking, running, exercise. Focus on how your muscles are moving. Feeling your feet hitting the ground. Feeling your clothing rubbing on your body.
These are just a few examples. What are your thoughts on mindfulness? What do you do to practice it regularly? How does mindfulness help you in your daily life?
Links!
Try These 5 One-Minute Mindfulness Exercises (pop up warning)
Simple Mindfulness Exercises (with sensory suggestions!)
Posted Apr 26, 2017, 5:21 PM UTC