Stressing out about school

Hey everyone.

I'm feeling kind of weird right now, not exactly sure what's going on. I have a lot of things on my mind and I keep coming here but then I don't know what to talk about. I don't know, I'm completely unmotivated right now. I have a ton of things to do around the house but I really just don't care at this point.

My husband leaves on Friday to go on active military orders for four months. At first I thought this was bothering me but I'm not really thinking about it too much. It's not the first time he's been away for that long so I'm used to it.

I've been thinking a lot about my last job. I left it in October but recently I keep thinking about specific things that occurred. Just incidents where I was made to feel guilty or I was wrongly accused of something. It's really weird how much I think about this place even though I have nothing to do with it now. I can't stop reliving some of these moments and it stresses me out.

My biggest fear is that the nursing program I am in is going to make me go back to that hospital to do my training. When I worked there they had students from the school all the time. I really don't want to go back there, even if it's a different position. There's people I do not want to see. I have this scenario in my head where my old boss starts shit with me and tries to get me kicked out of the hospital.

My husband keeps telling me I should go back and throw it in their faces how much I've changed and how successful I've become. I mean, if I had to go back there for my schooling at least I'd already know a lot of their practices considering I worked there over two years.

I'm also stressing out about school in general because I submitted my FAFSA in January but still haven't received any information about my financial aid status. I'm nervous they're waiting until I pass the two classes I'm taking right now because I just got off of probation. All of this money stress has got me thinking if I could get disability for being bipolar just to use it for school but then I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to get a nursing job with that on my record. It's already hard enough trying to get a normal job with bipolar disorder.

The more I think about all this shit the more tense I'm getting. I'm thinking way too far into the future. I'm two classes away from actually starting my nursing training so there's no point in stressing about it yet.

Fuck, am I even going to be able to handle being a nurse at this point? Like holy shit.

EDIT: semantics.