i don't know what to do

im pretty sure 99% that i have social anxiety, but at this point i don't think i have the typical SA, i think i have an extreme degree of social anxiety, i do go to school, workout and go out sometimes but the majority of the time im either alone or with 1-2 friends. Each time i get the opportunity to meet new people i completely black out and decline. I have alot of emotional outbursts, i can get angry from anything, sometimes i feel as if im going to go crazy and just give up on everything, break everything in my room, i have these thoughts like: "im failing miserably at everything i do, why no just give up" i cannot try to think positive, im sorry, i know the only way ill ever be able to change is if i start the CHANGE but honestly i feel like i dont have that power, i do not understand how people are always smiling, or looking cheerful, i have 0 emotional expression on my face, and i hate it, i feel like a miserable failure, i do not feel bad for myself, i absolutely despise my self, i don't think time will solve my problem, i dont think anything will. I don't know what to do with my life