"How to fake like you are nice and caring!" [40m/f]

I think maybe that Tom Cruise scene from Magnolia scarred me. A long time ago, I had a sex partner who I really fell for. I would tell him, "I love you" during sex and he wouldn't say anything. He wouldn't kiss me during sex. I didn't have any relationships for a long time after him. I was so put off.

Now, I have this issue where I assume all guys are like that. I have a new relationship and he's really warm and affectionate and I'm not feeling it. I have had sex with him a few times and yes, I love sex. He keeps trying to kiss me and I keep putting my head down so he can't. I kiss him during sex, but afterwards I turn my head, like when we're saying goodbye. I feel like I can't allow myself to feel romantic. I feel like it's all a show and he's only putting this on to have sex. I think I'm okay if it's just sex, I'm trying to just enjoy the lust. But it would be nice to have some romance again. Last time I went over, he said, "I'm really good with just snuggling up with you" because I was tired, but then I wound up wanting sex. Also, we didn't do anything until the fifth date, and then he told me when we were making out, "I didn't know what your intentions were, but I was okay with us not being physical because I thought 'She is awesome!'"

Things like that give me a little glimmer that maybe I could have some romance in my life again. But I'm so put off by being faked out. I really don't want to be closed off. (Yes, I am starting therapy in two weeks, but that's as soon as they could get me in. Yes, I know I'm old to be acting this way; I stopped dating for ages to raise my child.) I guess I'm asking, how can I tell if he really wants to be romantic or if he's using me?!