Struggling with a normal life

I just turned 21 and I find I can only be happy when I'm awakened. In past years it has caused me anxiety, I'll wake up in a moment and it won't last long because my mind will think, "What is happening? When can it happen again? How can I induce this state of consciousness?"

In the last year I've read more philosophy and learned to put aside silly questions like those. The answer is to stop asking questions altogether, to just breathe and see the inherent beauty in whatever is moving in front of me. It's here, and I'm here too.

Since getting more used to it, I find I can spread this awakened state over my life like a light topping of butter. It makes my life much less scary, I'm optimistic and confident because I know that if I stop my chatter and stare at a flower or a blade of grass, God will smile back at me. A big, toothy, playful grin.

That moves me up a notch, and my anxieties move up too. How will I ever get married? I'm young enough that I don't really have to think about it yet, but I want to find someone who knows this secret of the blade of grass, too. I feel attracted to an old friend of mine but she has her own friends and barely enough time for me with school and work. But my worries don't last long, the universe it intelligent and if I follow my current I will find a fulfilled life to match my fulfilled soul, and it won't matter who comes and goes.

What do you think? How do you square your inner fire with a normal life? Thanks for reading.