[practice] where do I go from here?

tl;dr returning to practice after years of absence. Worried about getting caught up in the conceptualized step by step path. Wondering if it would be better to just sit and see what happens?

Background: About 4 - 6 years ago I got into MTCTB and KFD. I had a strong A&P event, and sometime later experienced what I consider Stream Entry on a six week retreat. I did about 180 days worth of retreats, worked with Kenneth Folk online and a few others teachers in person. I had great retreat experiences with insight and deepening practice but I could never take my practice home with me. I would sputter out and stop only to go on a retreat and repeat the cycle.

About two years ago I did a month retreat and opened myself up to the group I was with in a way I had never done before. I felt that I exposed myself to the core and was seen for the first time. Since then I have only sat a handful of times and have been quite closed off.

My existential depression has taken over and I haven't found joy in anything in years. I've been spiraling downward and feel caught in a worsening dark night. Recently for the past few months I have a strong calling to practice again. It is the only thing that seems worth doing. I feel as if I am on a ride that I can't get off, and pretending I'm not on it only makes it worse.

Problem: I feel that I did too much too quick. I forced my way to insight that I was not ready for. I started building my house without a foundation. I cannot commit to the changes I need to make to continue on the path.

I am so tired of concepts. I feel that I conceptualized the path of insight and treated it like a game where I could get to the next level. I set stream entry as my goal and pushed and pushed for it, and then once it popped I was unsure how to continue so I stopped.

Question: Now that I am coming back to meditation I don't know how to proceed. I feel that I need to take this thing to some sort of conclusion. Or at least to point where life is not a depressive meaningless void.

I am worried about getting caught up in steps and levels again. I see TMI posted a bunch but it's talk of stages worries me a little bit. On other hand I don't know how much progress I will make without any guidance and goals to set. Part of me wants to sit shikantaza and just let go of everything.

I guess the real point of this post is to just get it out there. I haven't talked to anyone about this in years, and it's been just as long since I've held an authentic conversation. I feel so lost but my gut tells me I just need to practice. Whatever it is just do it.

Thanks for reading and anything you share.

Edit: I want to express a sincere thank you to everyone who responded. I really appreciate all of your answers and found them helpful.

For the past two years I've shut myself away from everyone and everything. I had an amazing experience with a group of people at the end of a month long dathun and it scared me. I was completely vulnerable and open and felt seen and accepted for the first time. Leaving the retreat I did not have enough of an established home practice to process what happened and ended up closing myself off more than I was before. So it's nice to share. Nice to have a community to be a part of. Thank you.