Help me pick a new phone

My Android experience started with an HTC M7 on AT&T, then I got an M9, then switched to Verizon and cashed in my carrier switch, got a Verizon M9, had to exchange 3 times before I got one that was acceptable enough to live with.

For the OOPS and carrier swap, they send you refurbished units not new ones. The first one had no vibrate, the second one was DOA, the third one doesn't understand ANY motion gestures or double tap even after countless resets, reinstalls, etc. Anyway, it's always had weird glitches about turning on in my pocket or whatever even with having to swipe up to unlock and then input a swipe password it still unlocks in my pocket or whatever randomly, but it's gotten much worse over time. Also the battery life has significantly degraded to the point that where it requires almost constant "topping up"... Just typing this has brought me from 82% down to 64% (and falling).

Anyway, long story short... I'm ready for a new phone.

I really prefer the HTC "Sense" version of Android compared to my wife's Galaxy "TouchWiz", but I've heard rumors that the new S8 has significantly toned down the "box of crayons" flashy colors of the past.

I also like just plain Android.

I don't "need" to have the newest flagship phone, but I'd like to have something that will be reasonably snappy for at least the next 2 years.

Lastly, an SD slot is a must.

I'd love a new pixel but they don't offer any SD slot.

Don't really care about wireless charging or waterproof, speakers are not super important as long as they are audible from within my pocket, and I'm not kidding myself into thinking that a smartphone camera is the same as a DSLR. If I want to take amazing pictures I'll use a real camera...

Btw I'm now at 59%.

Stupid HTC phone...