WannaBe MIL in the wild

Very long time lurker, completely single so no stories to share. However, I have a feeling that my own mother is a JNM waiting for her day. She's very opinionated, loves her grandbaaaabies, but because my brother had his kids first she's been holding herself back. When I get married and have kids, I think a different version of Grandma is going to come out. I'm biding my time until such a thing happens, but when it does I'll definitely turn to you all for support.

But this is not about her, this is about her best friend of the last 40 years, who is practically an Aunt to me. Her husband is my dad's best friend, and their daughter is a year younger than I am, and we grew up doing everything together, more sisters than simply friends. My own cousins and family had accepted her into the fold with arms wide open, simply because of how close we were. Our families have been so close that when they moved to a bigger house in 2000, we moved 4 houses down from them. When they bought a vacation home in Turkey, my parents bought one I think 2 doors down. Aunt spends most of her time in the summer home, but she's been back in the States to catch up on stuff before going back for the summer, spending a few weeks here in Southern California (SoCal) and then visiting with her daughter for a week or so in NYC. However, because of Daughter's own actions to us, my brother & I no longer speak with her, which makes things quite awkward when my mom wants to invite Aunt over for tea or gossip or whatever... Meanwhile my brother's wife (who is also my friend since junior high and thus has known her for almost 20 years) is more of a neutral party but also chooses not to associate with her (even though they live 10 minutes apart, as did I before I moved back to SoCal from NYC).

So a few months back Daughter's boyfriend moves in to her apartment, and Aunt is just so excited! She desperately wants her daughter to have a family, especially since Uncle is an only child and no extended family, Aunt has a brother with one daughter and no other extended family, and Daughter is an only child. She's now turning 35 and apparently has stated that she also doesn't want kids, so Aunt is getting desperate. That's why it's tearing her up inside because her "extended family" (read: my family) has cut her out, again - because of her selfish actions (selfish parents will raise a selfish child). So over the phone, Aunt tells my mother about how they're now engaged but are choosing not to have an engagement party to celebrate. Apparently they're planning on having this big lavish wedding in Italy in the summer of 2018, and Aunt is very excited (I don't know how it could be big & lavish when you don't have any friends, but I digress...). My mom tells me this news, and although I absolutely hate gossiping, I ask if it's okay to tell SIL. She says sure, and I do, and that's that. I know no other details of her life, and I'm absolutely okay with that. This whole thing happened in fall.

My brother & SIL had their second child a month ago, so apparently while Aunt was in NYC she came up with the great idea to go visit them and their kids. SIL says it's okay for her to come by, and then Aunt replies, "Well, since I'm coming is it okay if we come after 6 so Daughter can come to?" Of course, SIL is not one to be rude to her face, so she says that's fine. My brother - who is sick and just wants to sleep - "had a meeting and couldn't make it" (read: he was in the working office that tenants could use that was on another floor and was just waiting for them to leave so he could go home & go to bed).

Now, don't forget - the only detail any of us "kids" know about Daughter is that he's moved in, they're engaged and there will be a wedding next summer in Italy, right?

So, when Aunt & her daughter come over, one of the first things that SIL says is, "Congratulations on your engagement!" as her opener to have something to talk about with this person she hasn't seen in years, and who is not one to gush over babies. Daughter turns and gives a pointed look to her mother and says, in no uncertain terms,

"We are not engaged."

My SIL just says, "Oh, I had heard about something happening in Italy?"

"There is no wedding happening next summer. There is nothing in Italy. Mom, there is nothing, stop telling people this!"

Apparently this is not the first time this has happened.

My SIL's mom, who was in town to help with the baby, apparently was in the back room attending to LO, didn't hear any of this, comes out and says, "Congratulations on the wedding!" Again, Daughter looks at her mom and this time says nothing. This time all Aunt said was something along the lines of, "Well, that's what we're planning right now." Meanwhile, my SIL is doing the "Zip it!" motion in the background to her mother, who quickly caught on but was confused. Apparently she kept referring to Boyfriend as "son in law" (this isn't too unusual, in Turkish family associations are fluid), but after this exchange it just made Daughter on edge. All my SIL could say was that it just made everything awkward, because now they had absolutely zero to talk about. Luckily, my nephew is 3.5 and loves attention, so she quickly turned one of his favorite songs on and had him perform a silly dance to it, and he just kept doing that for a while.

Now, I don't like Daughter, I have (had?) no plans on going to their wedding if I were to be invited, I don't care about the goings-on in her life, and we all try to avoid her if we hear that she will be at the same function that we will be (like Thanksgivings). But my sympathy level rose for her, because that level of delusion is just absurd, to be creating a destination wedding for a couple that isn't even engaged yet!