It's just a little sorrow is all...

Sometimes I log onto Facebook. I don't know why, it's drivel and I hate it. But sometimes I log on.

And I scroll through the crap and the ignorant and the annoying and then suddenly there you are. Like a wave you wash over me, drowning me, suffocating me.

You have such a wonderful life. You did good. Good looking husband, couple of beautiful kids. A dog. It all looks good on you. You chose well, you chose right. He's the half that completes you and it's a wonderful thing to behold.

But it also makes my heart heavy. We were never anything but friends, and I live so far away now that this is really the only time I get to see you. A digital anchor to memories of smiles and laughs and a beauty that makes me sad to recall.

I miss basking in your light. The sublime glow of your moves, your sound, your sight.

I look at this picture and I see the most beautiful person I've ever known, that I'll never know again. I wonder what it's like to hold you. To feel you wrapped up and close. I look at your eyes, your hair, your lips. The perfectly placed freckles that you hate but I adore.

I never knew how much I adored you until it was way too late. In a way, I'm glad for this, because there could only be tragedy. At least now I can still see you, somehow.

Like I said, he's your perfect match, and I am truly happy about that.

But then, sometimes, when I see your picture and it hits me so hard; thunder with no sound; a sharp intake, a sinking feeling deep inside calling, always longing.

And it makes me sad.

Do I love you? I don't know. Maybe I love the idea of you. Maybe I remember you and I misinterpret attraction and lust and envy for love.

All I know for sure is when I click and click and click and you appear there's a hurting... but I can't stop staring.