I wrote this 3 years ago

I assembled all of the words, not everything here is 100% my original wording, but after years of revision I feel comfortable sharing this.

Depression is a sickness. If somebody with Cancer is told to stand on their head, and they'll feel better. It doesn't cure the cancer. But if somebody with depression is told to stand on their head and they feel better. Are they cured?

When you're sick people try to aid you, but they need to know you're sick.

When you break a body part, people come over to sign your cast. When people find out you break your brain, people don't come to help, they avoid you and talk about you behind your back. They say you're weak; you're a drama queen.

Would you rather post a status to Facebook saying you can't get out of bed because you hurt your back, or you can't get out of bed because you're depressed?

It's a silent epidemic. Andrew Soloman wrote "The opposite of depression isn't happiness. It's vitality." I'm not weak for crying over a glass of milk. It makes me human. We all have needs.

English uses the same word for when it rains on a kids birthday, and for somebody who can't function properly for no reason. It's the same word for somebody who's has they grey veil over their head, a veil that can never be removed. A veil of colour, that's now gray. The truth lies, they're reminded that Depression is a slower way of dying.

I remember someone very dear to me, committed suicide, and when tears with the news being brought to me, I was asked. Are you sad because they're gone? I replied of which, "No, because they have died of the same disease I have and will die from."

When somebody is sick, you check in on them. Depression is a sickness. You need somebody checking in on you.

How can get an answer to a problem were too afraid to ask?

It's never going to happen. We just sit and hope somebody may notice something is wrong and help. I'm too afraid to make a change, but more importantly, I've lost all my motivation.

I don't feel the want to help myself. I've grown accustom to this life. If things change any more I could end up worse. I've been betrayed, I've been hurt. The pain never goes away. They just add up. There's no way out. You try to help yourself to the bottle of Vodka in your cabinet. You don't feel you deserve something like a nice wine, or a luxury whiskey. You get dirt, cheap, vodka. It doesn't help.

You feel better for a few hours. Then reality hits. It's a never ending spiral of doom. Trapped in your own despair. It never stops. Make it stop. The loathing myself. The anxiety. The overthinking. Where's my Motivation? Why am I like this? Where's my rescue? Where's my help? Why me?

There is no answer to any of these. There is no hope. You just keep going. You're an dead sole walking among the living, the happy, the vibrant. We're all to preoccupied to think about anyone else but ourselves. Everyone does it, it's just part of life. But, I'm just a background character, and I'm okay with that. I know I'll never amount to anything, and I can be okay with that.