Setbacks and moving on.

Thursday April 6th I weighed 198.8 pounds, the lowest I've weighed in my adult life.

I had taken a pregnancy test on Tuesday the 4th and it came back positive these few days I thought I might be pregnant, I was over the moon. I don't have regular periods and I'm on birth control but I was having some strange symptoms leading me to believe I might be pregnant. Saturday the 8th I took another test and it was negative. I was shattered, I know my husband is not ready and now isn't "ideal" but I want it so much. I let it crush me. I stopped working out, stopped counting calories, started binging at work and behind my husband's back. It was the only thing making me feel better.

Yesterday I finally forced myself to snap out of it, even though I am still really, really depressed about the whole thing. I'm at 205.6. I gained 6 pounds in two weeks from emotional eating. It's going to take like 3 weeks to undo it and I still don't feel great. I still want to be shoving food in my mouth because it's the only thing that was making me not want to just lay down and cry.

I guess I just needed someone to listen. Thanks guys.