has anyone else encountered unexpected transitioning blues?

[this post will be a bit long to begin with, i havent been able to talk about transitioning with anyone who understands since beginning T 6 months ago. thanks in advance for reading and replying]

i am 19 and have been on T for about 6 months now. when i was younger i had built up transitioning into a huge fantasy. now that i am living through it it's not as easy or simple or short as id like. transitioning seems to always be framed as a quick intermission in between the before and after, a little bump until you can start a new perfect life. but it's not like that at all.

firstly, physically transitioning and socially transitioning are separate for me. physically i didnt really notice any changes so i kept putting off social/interpersonal issues out of fear and procrastination. now halfway in the physical changes are beginning to take root. but i am closeted at work, my relationship with my dad is strained, and i haven't even talked to my older sister (who is married w/ kids) about it. my parents are divorced and my mom remarried to my now step-mom. they are supportive of me (but of course our relationship isnt perfect either)

the physical changes have been ok. my face hasnt changed that much except for upper lip hair and my voice is a bit lower. if i just do something with my hair and lilt my voice i can easily be read as a girl. (i dont mind, right now i am trying to figure things out so its nice to have that capacity to slip into an old role and not worry abt passing etc.) the only big difference so far is my libido which practically went from non-existent to over-excessive. in general i am slowly getting more comfortable with my body.

socially transitoning is another thing entirely. my dad, little sister, and older sister still call me by my previous name and use she/her. my mom and step mom are 50/50. a few close friends use my current name and he/him.

i feel like i wanted to be this person/self for years. going online was a huge escape. i thought it would be the same irl, i could transition and leave all my problems behind. not the case.

i am not becoming a new person. i cant just throw away the past 19 years. i have to become a new self. which means i can change and i have control over who i am. but i also have to interrogate a lot of stuff about myself. i have to figure out what i want to keep about myself and what i want to leave behind. what other LGB people dont understand is that sexuality is but one faucet of your identity. gender has implications across all aspects of your existence. (not trying to say anyone has it harder or easier than the other--just different)

because of all of this ive felt very isolated. i dont have any trans friends. ive met trans people nearby before but it didnt work out. they were very negative and depressing and i didnt need that. i dont know what to do, i am scared and confused and stressed out. i know everything will work out but its going to be hard, and its even harder to feel like nobody is around to listen to you and know what youre going through. i feel like a freak sometimes. but other times i am very grateful to be trans.

maybe its all relative