My call went through

Today, I called.

I used to call your number for comfort, when I was stressed, even though I knew it would go straight to voicemail because you've had me blocked for years. Today was particularly rough, for no particular reason. I had just spent an hour laying in the grass in between classes and looked over and saw someone that looked like you (but definitely wasn't.)

Walking to class I caved and gave your phone a ring. The call went through, and rang and rang. Hope rang through my heart and I smiled. I thought maybe it was a mistake... An error in the phone system.

I texted "Hi." and it said 'Delivered.' I was unblocked. My mind started racing, what would I say? I've wanted to talk for so long and have had so much to say yet I felt speechless in that moment. I thought this meant you finally wanted to speak again.

After a good few minutes I was able to formulate the text "The only reason I texted was because I realized I have become unblocked and I thought that was a sign. If you don't respond I'll understand that as well, I'm probably just reading into it too much. If this is unwanted I apologize sincerely."

It didn't go through.

I was reblocked in a matter of minutes before I could even explain myself. I don't know why I was unblocked in the first place but it had to be a mistake. I feel flustered and embarrassed, I feel stupid. I don't know why I'm so stuck on you, I don't want to be. I don't want to be any more.